Breaking the Walls

Part 1

Spoilers: Forever in a Day, Past and Present.

Season: 3

Rating: PG

Warnings: none

Category: D/S hurt/comfort, romance.

Summary: Sam is falling in love with Daniel. But how can she tell him when he is still hurting from the death of Sha're?

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Daniel sat in the infirmary, waiting for Janet gave him the OK to leave.

"You've got a clean bill of health," she said with a smile. Daniel hopped off the bed and started for the door. He made his way back to his office. When he got there he threw himself into his desk chair. He reached up and grabbed a picture from a table close to him.

He gazed at the photo of his past wife, Sha're. She was so beautiful, her skin so soft, her smile so sweet. Damn, he missed her. I wonder what I would be doing right now if she was here, he thought. He sat in his chair staring at her beautiful face. The fact was that he had really lost her three years before. But then she was the hope that pulled him to the gate and now it was her son; not his son, the son of her and Apophis.

He set the picture down and grabbed a random book off one of the over-flowing shelves near his desk. Soon as he had flipped it open, he was pulled away from it by a knock on his door. He looked up to see Sam in his doorway.

"Hey....um Jack, Teal'c and I were going to downtown to a nearby diner for dinner and I, well....um.....I mean we, wanted to know if you wanted to go with us?" she gave him a shy smile.

"No, not today, I have a ton of work I need to do." He turned his attention back to his book. He really didn't feel like spending dinner in an uncomfortable atmosphere and then be asked a ton of questions that he didn't want to answer.

"Oh.....um.....ok, then I’ll see you later," she gave him another smile before leaving the room.

* * * * *

Sam made her way down to find Janet in the infirmary; maybe she could do something about Daniel. She was really worried about him, but he had cut himself off from her and the rest of SG-1. She walked to the door of Janet’s office and gave the door frame a knock. Janet looked up from the pile of paperwork on her desk as Sam stepped into the room.

"Hey," Sam said, setting herself down in the chair in front of Janet’s desk.

"Are you ok?" Janet asked as she pushed the papers to the side of her desk.

"No, I wanted to ask you a favor."

"What can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to know if you could make Daniel do something besides sit in his office and work on the work that he doesn't have to work on day in and day out."

"Sam you don't think I haven't tried?"

Sam had guessed that Janet had, but she was hoping for her to try again.

"I know, I'm just really worried. I mean, well, he is a good friend and I'm just really worried about him."

"I know, Sam, I know."

"Well, Jack, Teal'c and I are going off base for dinner. Do you want to come?"

Janet gave a look at the pile of papers now a few inches from the edge of her desk.

"Yeah, sure, I’ll meet you in the parking lot. I have to change before I can go anywhere."

* * * * *

Daniel sat in his office with a dozen or so books spilled out on his desk. Any other time he would have been translating something for the SGC, but he had finished all the work he needed to do earlier that day.

He turned to his picture of Sha’re. He missed her. She had been gone for 5 months now, but it still felt like she had died yesterday over half the time. But sometimes he knew it was better that she was dead, than in the back of her mind watching as Amaunet was hurting, no, killing her husband. But still he wished he could have her back, just to hold her one more time.

Daniel jumped as he was pulled away from his thoughts by a knock on the door of his office. He looked up to see Janet in a casual pair of jeans and a pale blue shirt.

"Hey, how are you?" she gave him a soft smile.

"I 'm doing OK, where are you off to?" He asked.

"Oh, to dinner with the rest of SG-1."

She took a few steps into his office.

"Daniel..."

She took a few more steps so that she was now about an arm’s length away from him. God, Daniel, I'm so worried about you. Why are you pushing everyone away? I want to help you, and to be close to you, she thought.

“Are you sure you’re OK? I mean, well, that since Sha’re died, you've locked yourself away from everyone, even SG-1 and me."

Oh, great, here’s that ‘You-need-to-let-people-know-how-you-feel’ speech, Daniel thought to himself.

"I've just needed some time to clear my head."

And still do, he thought to himself, but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Daniel, I know. I'm just worried about you. I just want to know that you’re doing OK.”

"Don't worry, Janet, I'll be OK."

"OK. Well, I'll stop by on my way back to the infirmary after dinner, OK?"

"OK."

She gave him a smile and then turned and walked out of his office.

* * * * *

Sam was waiting out by her SUV when Janet walked out.

"Hey," Janet said, getting into the passenger’s seat. "Where is Jack and Teal'c?"

"Oh, they rode in Jack's car."

"OK. Well, I stopped by Daniel's office on my way out," Janet said as Sam pulled up to the gate. They both pulled out their ID's and handed them to the guard.

"Hey, ladies," the guard said, looking at their ID's. "OK, have a good night." He handed their ID’s back to them.

"We will," Sam said as she pulled out onto the street.

"So, what did he say?"

It took Janet a minute to realize that Sam was talking about Daniel.

"He said he really just wanted and needed space, and I told him that I would stop by on my way back to the infirmary after dinner."

"Do you think that he'll come around sometime soon?"

"I don't know, Sam. He’s been through a lot. He thought he had already lost her in a way, but then he had a hope of getting her back. Now he knows she is gone, dead, and there's no way of getting her back at all."

"I wish there was something that we could do to turn how he feels around, but I know that there is no real way of doing that right now and I don't know if there ever will be. That scares me, Janet."

"I know, Sam, it scares all of us. None of us want to see him going through the pain he is right now, but we can't change it."

"I know, Janet, I know."

* * * * *

Daniel sat in the silence of his office. He had decided that when Janet came back, he would throw on the “I'm-feeling-better-let's-talk” face.

He knew that it would be at least an hour before she got back from dinner. So now he had some time to kill, but how? The first thing that came to his mind was Sha’re, but he forced his mind away from her. He missed her more than anything, but he knew that he would have to stop thinking about her 24/7. And now was as good as ever. Maybe it is about time I tried to spend time with other people. Maybe I could even tell someone how I've really been feeling. Maybe? I don't know if I can pour out how I feel to Janet. I mean, she is my doctor and I can trust her with my life, but I really would like to talk to someone who is a good friend. SG-1 must hate me. I had pushed them all away. How could them ever want me back?

* * * * *

Sam and Janet started their way back to the SGC.

"Janet?" Sam said as they got back into the car.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Can I talk to Daniel?" Sam had been wanting to ask Janet this since Janet had told her she was going back to talk to him.

"Yeah, why?" Janet asked confused about why Sam was asking her this.

"Well, I mean when we get back to the base, and before you go to talk to him." She swallowed hard, hoping that Janet wouldn't take this offensively.

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Sam pulled out on to the road.

"Sam, are you feeling OK?"

"Yeah, I'm just really worried about Daniel, and I really need to talk to him about something. But I really want to know that he’s doing better first, and I don't know how long that might be. I thought I might start talking about it now and maybe work my way into it."

"OK.... so, can I know about this thing?"

"No, maybe after I work out a few parts of it, first."

"You're no fun," Janet smiled widely at Sam.

* * * * *

Daniel sat down in his chair with his fresh cup of steaming hot coffee. He smiled to himself; it was funny how everyone on the base seemed to think that he was addicted to the stuff. The truth was he could probably live without it, but he chose not to. Coffee had helped pull him through so many all-nighters of non-stop work.

* * * * *

Sam turned the corner and gazed down the hallway to see if Daniel’s door was open. It was, so she started her way down to it. Why was she so nervous? God, Sam, calm down. She took 3 deep breaths before knocking on the wall next to Daniel’s door.

Daniel jumped, spilling coffee on himself as he did so.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she rushed over to his desk were he was sitting. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had it happen a million times before." He gave a small smile. It was the first time that she had seen him smile in months.

"Hey, I thought Janet was stopping in after you guys ate."

It disappointed her that he was asking for Janet when she was here to talk to him and be there for him.

"I can go to the infirmary and get her for you if you want?"

"No thanks, that’s OK, if you don't mind." He was wiping his shirt with a napkin over where the coffee had spilled on it.

"So, how was dinner?"

God damnit, Daniel Jackson, why are you asking about dinner? I want to talk about you and how you are doing, Sam thought to herself in frustration.

"It was good."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Sam?" Daniel said, breaking the silence.

"I miss her." A single tear ran down his pale cheek.

"I know you do, Daniel." She gave his arm a squeeze.

"Sam, it’s just so hard. I loved her so much and I'll never get to tell her that again because she's gone and I'll never get to see her again, or talk to her, or anything."

"Daniel, I know you love her and she knew that too. Even when she was taken over by Amaunet she knew, and you couldn't have done anything. She, by which I mean Amaunet, was killing you. God, Daniel, Teal'c couldn't let her kill you, and I know this is going to be hard, it's not supposed to be easy, but at least we still have you. You have no idea how much that means to all of the SGC and SG-1."

She looked up at him as the tears poured down his cheeks. Sam pulled him into a hug and held him.

"Daniel, just believe me when I say she knew that you loved her."

"I know that she knew, in so many ways, but I feel so wrong for even thinking about moving on. I mean, it’s like she might come back as soon as I fall in love again. And Ke’ra happening didn't help."

"What about Ke’ra?"

"Oh...well...I fell in love with Ke’ra before she had to have her memory cleared for the second time."

"Oh, Daniel, this must be killing you. I'm so sorry." She pulled him closer to her as she hugged him.

"I should let you get back to work,” he said, partly trying to get out of talking further. He had said more in the last few minutes than he had said in months.

"No, that’s OK; I don't have any work I have to do."

"Then, why did you come back?"

Sam didn't know how to answer his question. Well, she did, but she wasn't ready to tell him the truth yet, not now when he was crying about Sha’re. Before she even had a chance to make up a white lie, there was a knock on Daniel’s partly open door.

"Come in," Daniel said, wiping the tears from his soaked face. Janet stepped into the room.

"Hey, how are you two?" Janet looked over at Daniel. His face is red and wet, and I tell that he had been crying. I hope Sam has been helping him to sort things out.

"Better," Sam gave her a smile.

"Well, I'm on my way to grab a cab home." Janet gave them both a smile.

"Janet, I'll give you a ride if you want," Sam said, standing up. "Goodnight, Daniel."

Sam followed Janet out of Daniel's office.

"Thank you," he said as she was shutting the door. He didn't know if she had heard him or not.

* * * * *

Janet turned around to face Sam as they stepped out of Daniel’s office and shut the door.

"What did you to talk about?"

"Sha’re."

"And…?"

"What?"

"Why were you so fast to leave?"

"Well, he almost put me in a corner."

"What do you mean by that?" Janet stopped and looked up at Sam.

"I mean... I'm just not ready to tell him something that he might have almost accidentally forced me to tell him."

"Oh, and what would that thing be?"

"Not now, Janet."

"Why?"

"Janet....it's that thing from earlier, and, well…"

"Sam, it's ok, but I'm here for you when you want to talk."

********************************

Continue to Part 2 (“Open Doors”) =>