Breaking the Curse

Chapter Seventeen:  To the Ends of the Earth

“You're still avoiding me.”

“I'm giving you time to think,” Daniel corrected. She didn't understand it, but she didn't know what she was doing to him, either. She didn't... She was just... She was confused. Things had gotten so weird over the last month or so. It was Pete's death, Sarah's death, “Geek Week,” the Alpha site... Everything had changed, and she wasn't giving herself time to process it. She thought she felt something that she didn't. He knew that. He had been inside her soul. That hadn't changed. She was the same person.

“Daniel, please,” she began, “we need to talk.”

“We already talked.”

“Okay, fine, I want you to listen this time,” she corrected, folding her arms over her chest. “Daniel, I... I want you to know that I care about you. A lot. Friends, yes, but I have been thinking more and more that it could be more than that, and I...” She stopped and let out a breath. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to compose herself. “Would you please look at me?”

He hadn't realized he'd turned away, but he couldn't face her. She was standing there, telling him things he wanted to hear, had wanted to hear for a long time, but he didn't know how to accept them. He didn't believe them. It wasn't that he thought she was lying. She probably honestly believed what she was saying. She just didn't know what she really wanted. She had that replicator in her head. It would mess with anyone, and she needed to think it through.

As much as he wanted her, as much as he wanted her to return his feelings, he couldn't go into this if it wasn't real. He didn't want to face that kind of pain. It was hard, and maybe it was wrong, but after losing Sha're... He had loved his wife. He had been devastated by her loss. He couldn't face losing Sam like that. He didn't want to lose her as a friend. That was why he hadn't told her about the way he felt, not since that horrible accident while he was ascended.

“I can't, Sam,” he told her. He shook his head. “You know what Jack said at his house—?”

“That isn't why I'm doing this, and this isn't about the colonel—the general. I suppose I'm the colonel now,” she said. He could hear the wince in her voice. It had to be even more awkward for her now. Jack was in charge, not just of the team, but of the whole base, the stargate program. Daniel was a bit frightened by the prospect, actually. Jack was his friend, he was a good officer, but his behavior over the last few years... He just wasn't who Daniel wanted in charge. He would have preferred General Hammond, and even Dr. Weir over Jack O'Neill, at least the Jack who had been at that house. That was not a man that Daniel wanted in control of the fate of the planet.

“Congratulations.”

“You already told me that.”

“Sam... I can't do this. It's not that I don't... want to, but I just... You've been through so much that I don't want to... I think we both need time. I think Geek Week changed things, made things feel like they didn't—shouldn't—and we both need time to sort that out. I just don't want this to be... I don't want it to be a mistake.”

“Daniel, this isn't—”

“I needed a vacation a long time before this, and I'm going to take some time. Dr. Weir asked me to come down to the Antarctic research facility, and I'm going to go. I already got it approved, and I'm leaving today,” he told her. This time he was able to look at her, and she was shaking her head.

He grabbed his bag and walked over to her, touching her arm. “It's for the best, Sam. Just give it time.”

“Something I can do for you, Carter?” the colonel—the general asked as Sam walked into his office. He wasn't really happy there, that much was obvious, and he made a marked change from the others that had held this office. Hammond always wore his uniform, but General O'Neill was in BDUs.

“I wanted to talk to you about my position here, sir,” she began awkwardly, not sure how to broach this subject. He wasn't going to like what she had to say.

“Danny Boy's not going to be in Antarctica forever,” the general said. “The team will be on active duty again when he gets back. You can find a fourth member for the team if you want.”

“Actually, sir, I'd like to... request a transfer.”

“A transfer?” the general dropped his pen onto the floor, cursed, and leaned over to get it, almost falling out of his chair. She frowned at him. “Damn it, Carter, you've got the best position on the base. You're SG-1. The leader of SG-1. Why would you want to transfer?”

“Because I don't want to lead the team without my friends, and I'm not even sure I'm the right person to lead the team—”

“The hell you aren't. I didn't take this desk to hand my team over to some pansy ass idiot who might have the right rank but has never been through the damn gate! I want SG-1 in the right hands, hands I trust, and that's why I gave you the promotion, why you're supposed to have the team.”

“Sir, I understand, and I agree, to a point, but there are other people... You know Cam Mitchell? We went through the Academy around the same time. He was in that fight over the Antarctic base. Saved our lives. He's got a long recovery ahead of him, but I wouldn't rule him out,” Sam said with a slight shrug. “Besides, sir... There's a personal issue at stake for me.”

“You mean that little kiss you planted on Danny?”

“Yes, sir,” she couldn't think of any conversation that would have been more awkward. She had finally settled her feelings for the general with the vision Fifth had given her, and things had never been more clear. She was in love with Daniel. He didn't accept it, and she knew why he didn't. She was going to prove to him that she wasn't reacting impulsively. She just wanted to see him again. It had only been a few days, but it was already driving her crazy, and she couldn't just call him, either.

“You know, some people would say you shouldn't be on the same team.”

“Daniel's a civilian, sir, and he's not under my command right now, nor was he when the... fraternization took place.”

“Carter, if you expect me to just be okay with you throwing away SG-1 for a relationship with Danny boy, I can't do it. Transfer denied.” The general sat back in his chair and then frowned. “Where was it you wanted to go, anyway?”

“Antarctica.”

“What, you just can't let him go?”

“I'd follow him to the ends of the earth if I had to, sir. I've already lost him once, and I don't want to do it again. The stargate program, my career, they're valuable, wonderful things, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life seeing amazing things but having no one to share them with,” Sam said. “Anubis has been defeated, and yes, there are still threats out there, and I don't want to give up the fight, but I want it to have meaning. That meaning... It's Daniel. I love him. I have for a long time. I thought I loved someone else, and I tried to love Pete, but Daniel... We were friends, and we could be a lot more.”

“Carter, go to Antarctica if you want, but get the hell out of my office.”

“McKay has been following me around all day, driving me absolutely crazy,” Sam said as she found Daniel on his way back from the break room, coffee in hand. It was almost like being back at the SGC. Almost, but not quite. For one thing, it was a lot colder. He kept telling himself that was just his imagination, but he couldn't help feeling the cold even in the maintained atmosphere.

“That is kind of your choice, Sam,” Daniel reminded her, taking a sip of his coffee. He didn't want to be mean about it—that wasn't his intention. “You didn't have to come down here.”

She rolled her eyes. “Would you quit saying that? You know I had a reason to come down here. Lots of reasons, actually, and I kept trying to tell you that I know what I want. I'm not... Look, let's not argue again. I wish you weren't so upset that I was here.”

“I just... This isn't going to work, Sam. I mean, hasn't it been... hard, working together lately?”

“Not as bad as it is working with McKay,” Sam told him. “I wish you'd hear me out, give this a chance, Daniel. You haven't even given me five minutes of your time since I got here. You won't be alone with me, and we can't talk about the elephant in the room.”

“Elephant?”

“Daniel, when you thought that I kissed you at the NID warehouse—”

“Sam, don't—”

“I did kiss you. I couldn't admit it at the time. I didn't know how. I had been having some conflicting thoughts and feelings about you, and yes, it started around Geek Week... restarted around Geek Week. When I first met you, Daniel, there was something there, and I... I had to bury it because you were married and Sha're was still out there. Then I started to feel something for the colonel, and I buried those, too... I tried to tell you when you were dying, but I didn't even know what I needed to say... I'm sorry you think I still love Jack O'Neill, but I don't. If you had heard our last conversation, then... Fifth gave me a vision of my life with the general, and I saw what I had thought I wanted, but I was wrong. Things are so clear for me right now, Daniel. I want you to believe that.”

She reached out to touch his face, and he stared at her in shock until something hot touched his leg. He jerked away, realizing that he'd dropped his coffee. Sam looked down. “Oh, Daniel, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—”

He didn't let her finish. Instead, he pulled her close and kissed her. Maybe he was making a mistake, but maybe he wasn't. He should have listened, but he was just too afraid to get hurt again, too unwilling to believe when he should have believed.

“Sam, I'm sorry,” he began as he stepped back. “I really just...”

“I just wanted to—”

“Dr. Jackson!” a voice called out across the installation. “Dr. Jackson! There's something you have to see. Oh, Colonel Carter, you should see this as well.”

She was in love with him. Strange that she would never have thought it possible a couple of months ago, and now it was so natural, so inescapable, so right. She crossed the room to where he stood and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his back. They were alone for the first time in weeks, for the first time since she made it completely clear to him how she felt about him. She knew what this meant, and every time she thought about it, a shiver of anticipation shot through her body.

He pulled her so that she was in front of him, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. He nudged her head up gently with his forehead. Her eyes locked with his, and she trembled when she saw the look in his eyes. Those eyes were always intense, but when they looked at her with love…or lust, she was melting, unable to hold herself together before him. She belonged to him, in a way that she never expected to belong to anyone, and yet she was still as much of an individual as she had always been.

She opened her mouth to say his name, but he covered her lips with his finger. “Are you sure that this is really what you want?”

“I love you. I swear this is what I want, for longer than I’ve truly known,” she lifted her head. “I know that I’ve been an idiot. I never saw you when you’ve been there for me all along. Forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he told her, then cupped her head with his hand, tilting it back as he brought his lips to hers. The shiver from earlier returned, turning into a shudder, and she felt weak. Her arms went around his neck, holding on, steadying herself. She’d never felt like this with anyone else. That was a romance novel cliché. She was a grown woman; she’d been in love before—hadn’t she?

“This is what it means to be soul mates,” Daniel whispered softly in her ear, sounding kind of awestruck. “I thought I knew…I thought…I loved her so much…”

“I don’t expect you to love me more,” Sam told him honestly.

“That’s the problem,” he confessed, his voice quiet, laced with anguish. “I think I do.”

His words made her heart beat faster, even if she knew that she should feel just as guilty as he did. She drew his mouth back to hers, telling him without words how he made her feel, how much she loved him, and how he shouldn’t feel guilty. His wife had been dead for four years. He loved Sha’re, but that was the past. Sam was his future, and they both knew it.

He broke off the kiss and led her to the bed. It might have been their first time together, but this was more spiritual than physical; there was no heated rush to divest each other of their clothes and mate frantically like hormone-crazed teenagers. She let him lower her onto the bed, then pulled him down for a kiss. His hand snaked under her shirt, touching her stomach and warming her whole body. Her skin came alive at his touch, like she had never before known what it was like to be touched by anyone at all. He was everything that she’d been waiting for, everything that she wanted. She brought her hand up to stroke his chest and unconsciously began to rid him of the obstacle of his shirt the minute that her fingers touched buttons. He was pushing her shirt up over her stomach as he lightly kissed her navel, teasing her with sensations that made her squirm and want more.

She wanted to explore his body as he was slowly and expertly exploring hers, but her position had her at a disadvantage, as did his lips roving over her stomach, up to and tantalizingly close to her bra, never quite reaching the places that she wanted him to touch.

She pushed his shirt down his arms, and he helped her to slip it off. She looked at him for a moment before running her hands down his back, over the muscles, along his spine. He made a noise she took as his vocalization of pleasure and covered her mouth with his again, and she was lost once more.

They paused for air, and she breathed his name softly, with the reverence of prayer. She pulled him close to her, running her hands through his hair. He was torturing her with the slow, methodical pace that he set, slowly inching her shirt higher until they were forced to break apart to let him pull it over her head. Then he went back to her stomach, kissing his way up from her navel, lingering just enough to make her skin slightly damp and chilled when exposed to the air after he moved on. Oh, they would do this again when she was the one tormenting him in such a delightful way. Right now she could hardly think.

That didn’t stop her hands from being busy. She traced his muscles, down the center of his chest, pausing to linger on each scar. So many… yet his worst scars were far deeper, on the inside. And it hurt her to know that she’d been the cause of some of them.

She heard him say, “I love you” as he nuzzled her neck and ran his fingers along the curve of her bra. She’d needed to hear those words. No man could be more right for her than Daniel. He always knew what she needed, even now.

“I love you, too,” she answered, moaning as his expert fingers treated her with the same loving care that he would give priceless artifacts. She felt treasured. In the past, she’d been with men who had made her feel used and wasted, but not Daniel. He loved her, and he was showing her that with every touch.

He pushed the fabric of her bra out of the way and gently teased that most sensitive flesh of her breast. She made a small noise as he ran his fingers in lazy circles over her skin. He laughed softly, seemingly amazed by what he could do to her. That was when she realized that he still had his doubts. He was still afraid that she would change her mind, walk away and leave him when she knew that she could never do that to him. She didn’t know how to prove that to him. She’d just have to love him the best that she could, and hope in time that he would no longer doubt her. She started by telling him again that she loved him as she drew his mouth to hers. Day by day, she would lessen those doubts; erase them until he was as convinced of her love as she was of his.

He reached down to undo her boots. She wanted to laugh, having forgotten about her footwear. That was so Daniel, that attention to detail. Sam hadn’t even thought about it. They’d just migrated together as usual, and everything felt so natural, despite their interruption to deal with pesky shoes and socks. He tickled her toes, and she giggled before kissing him again. They leaned down onto the bed again, and the dance of their tongues quickly made him forget about her ticklish feet.

She slid a hand down his chest, fiddling with the buckle of his pants. His breath hitched, and she smiled. She was determined to show him the love that he was showing her. What was that romance novel formula? Attraction leads to lust; lust leads to sex; sex leads to love? She knew that she loved him before this moment came—she loved him even more after the wonderful things that he made her feel right now—but maybe that was what he needed, to be shown that she wanted him and then he could begin to truly believe that she loved him.

He unhooked her bra, and her thoughts went out the window. Maybe she was over analyzing this a little. Daniel loved her. She loved him. They were making love and—wow, he was good at it.

“Sam,” he whispered near her ear as he nibbled on it.

“Oooh, what?” She barely got the words out. He was distracting her with sensations that made her feel like she was barely in the room. She was floating; she was in a place where only the good and perfect could touch her.

“You think too much,” he told her and moved his lips to hers. She agreed. Letting go of her thoughts and theories, she moved on instinct, hands unbuckling his pants and pushing them down over his hips. She wanted to be with him, and that was all that mattered. He stepped out of his pants and started ridding her of hers.

Their lips met again, and she felt him pushing against her thigh. Another shiver of desire ran through her, and she knew that she was very close to the edge. She wanted him with her, so she pushed down his boxers as he teased down her panties. Now they were naked.

For a moment, they both just stared at each other, and then they moved together, finally completing each other in the only way that they’d been separate before. She cried out as she fell off that edge the minute that they joined, calling his name. He kissed her with such love and continued to kiss her until she was ready to move with him, this time climbing that peak together. They fell headlong over that cliff together, calling each other’s names.

Afterward, they stayed together, holding each other, content in and fulfilled in a way that she knew neither of them had been before now.

“I love you,” she told him.

“I love you, too,” he answered, kissing her forehead. And she knew that he was starting to believe.

“Things were a bit crazy around Antarctica... and at the SGC,” Sam began, leaning next to Daniel's desk as he looked over his translations. He glanced up at her, shaking his head. They'd gone too long without having this conversation, he supposed, and there would be no avoiding it now. He knew it was time, but he didn't want to face some of it, either.

“I know.”

“You know, I would have followed you to Atlantis if they'd let you go,” Sam told him, and he looked at her, shaking his head. She smiled. “I know you're still having a hard time believing all this—what was it you kept saying? Too good to be true?”

“Well, let's see... You falling in love with me, you admitting it very publicly, us getting a special dispensation to remain on the same team...” He listed off a few reasons. “Yeah, it is too good to be true. Other than the fact that they wouldn't let me go to Atlantis. Which I am still having a hard time not blaming Jack for. I mean, I know why he wants me here, and if you told him you wanted to go with me, then he had even more reason not to let me go, but I'm just...”

“Daniel, did you know, around here, you're considered the unattainable one?” Sam teased, and he shook his head. “No, it's true. First there was Sha're, then losing Sha're, ascension... You're one hard man to land, Daniel Jackson, and I am lucky to have you.”

“I don't know about that,” he said, making a face at the idea of being “unattainable.” He set down his glasses, rubbed his nose and crossed to her despite the no public displays of affection clause in their special dispensation. It was his lab, they weren't on duty, and it was private. “And I'm not so sure either of us is... lucky.”

“No, to hear the colonel—I mean, the general—tell it, we're cursed,” Sam agreed as he got close enough to take her hand. It was funny how soothing such a simple gesture was. So little, and yet so much at the same time. It was incredible. Holding hands meant something. He could go into the cultural significance of it in many lands, but all that really mattered to him right now was how it felt to hold Sam's hand. She gave her hand—her heart—to him freely, and that was an unbelievable gift.

“That conversation is going to haunt us for the rest of our lives,” Daniel muttered unhappily, wishing he could erase their memories of what had been said that day at Jack's house. It had been a reason not to pursue this, the idea that they supposedly should because of some curse they both had. Well, two curses, individual ones, but the cure was supposedly the woman beside him.

“Mostly because neither of us wants to admit that he was kind of... right,” Sam told him as she put her arms around his neck. “You come back from the dead. You do. I shouldn't be able to say that or laugh about it, but it seemed like that was my curse. Every man interested in me... died. Jonas Hansen, Narim, Martouf, Joe, Orrin, Pete...”

“And I've died, multiple times, and come back, so, yeah, I can see that, a bit...” Daniel sighed. He touched her face gently. “I lost Sha're to the Goa'uld. I lost Sarah. You don't know how scared I was when you were taken over by Jolinar.”

“It happened once, and it won't happen again,” Sam told him with a confident smile, giving him a kiss. “The curse is broken.”