Chapter 3

Breaking the Curse

Chapter Three: Best Laid Plans

Sam woke up alone. She’d been dreaming pleasantly enough of a place that she thought was from Jolinar’s memories, of sandy beaches and a sunset that stretched into a distant horizon, with a gentle, attentive companion that she suspected was Martouf, though she never saw his face or heard his voice in the dream. She’d been leisurely admiring the sunset while she rested on his shoulder, slowly falling asleep. As soon as she fell, she woke up, alone and very disconcerted.

She stretched her hand out across the bed, feeling some residual warmth. She had asked Daniel to stay last night, and he had, telling her more of Mesopotamia until she fell asleep again, and it looked like he’d stayed after she dozed off until a short while ago. He was probably up making coffee again, if not breakfast.

She rose, yawning as she walked into the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and looked at the mirror expecting to see dark circles under her eyes. She was surprised to discover that there wasn’t any. Humming, she dried her hands and went to find Daniel.

Daniel’s voice stopped her at the edge of the kitchen. “It wasn’t like that. I did everything that I could—”

He was talking on his cell phone, his glasses in hand as he pinched the bridge of his nose. A cup of coffee sat next to him on the counter, but he had obviously forgotten it, he was so upset. His voice was frighteningly toneless when he next spoke. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, I’ll respect your wishes. No. Don’t bother.”

He ended the call and threw the phone across the room, startling Sam, who gasped. Hearing her, he turned. “Sam.”

“Daniel, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing, Sam. I’m fine.” Daniel reached for his coffee, turning his back on her. He was extremely tense, his back rigid and stiff.

She didn’t believe him, not for a second. She crossed the room to him. “No, Daniel, you’re not fine, and it’s not nothing. It’s not like you to throw things. I think you broke your phone.”

He sighed, hanging his head. His back was still set in the same lines, his shoulders clearly visible through the fabric of his shirt. “Sarah’s parents are dead. She had no living relatives, so she gave Stephen Rayner as her emergency contact. He made the arrangements for her funeral. It will be tomorrow.”

“Wow. That was…quick,” Sam said, unsure what to say. Did this mean that he was leaving for Chicago, then? That they wouldn’t be having their geek week? That they weren’t going to spend the next week together? She was surprised by how much the idea upset her.

“General Hammond called me to let me know that they’d released Sarah’s body,” Daniel continued, not looking up. “I called Stephen. He…doesn’t want me there.”

“What?” Sam cried incredulously. “How can he do that? Sarah was your friend, too.”

Daniel sighed. “Sarah was more than my friend, Sam, that’s part of the problem. When Stephen and I worked under Dr. Jordan, we competed academically…really, for everything. I wasn’t as conscious of it as Stephen, but then I was the one winning. Dr. Jordan considered me like a son. Stephen was always in my shadow, always being compared to me; Sarah told me that. When Sarah came along, things got worse between Stephen and me. He never made a move while I was still around, even after Sarah and I broke it off— well, she broke it off— but I’ve always thought that he wanted to be more than Sarah’s friend and colleague. I think he felt threatened when I showed up at Dr. Jordan’s funeral.”

Daniel paused and took a sip of his coffee. “Sarah and I still had…something. A connection, an attraction…. It doesn’t matter. Stephen was angry with me the entire time I was in Chicago. When she disappeared, Stephen wanted to blame me, even after she nearly killed him. It was easier for him to blame me. He didn’t buy the cover story then, and he doesn’t now. He doesn’t want me at the funeral. I understand.”

You understand? Sam demanded silently. How can you stand there and sympathize with a man who is blaming you for something that is not your fault, someone who is denying you your right to closure?

Sam shook her head and touched his arm. “You cared about Sarah. You have a right to go to her funeral.”

<>“It doesn’t matter,” Daniel said softly, turning away. “I already said my goodbye. I don’t need to go to the funeral.”

“Daniel,” she began, feeling helpless. She ached to reach him, knowing that he didn’t mean it. Sarah’s funeral meant more to him than he would say. He wanted to go. He deserved to go. He had the same right to closure as anyone, and Sam knew how much he cared about Sarah, how he’d tried to save her—compromised a mission for her. He should be able to attend her funeral.

“It’s fine,” he repeated in that same, toneless voice. He took a long sip of his coffee. She wrapped her arms around his waist. He exhaled sharply, his body trembling with the strain of his posture. She moved her arms from his waist to massage his shoulders. He jerked away.

“Daniel?” she asked, stung by his withdrawal and refusal to let her help him.

“Do you know when Pete’s funeral will be?” Daniel turned towards the cupboard and took out a mug for her. He filled it with coffee and handed it to her.

She took it, knowing that she shouldn’t allow herself to be diverted, but he had blindsided her completely. “No. I should find out. I need to call Mark, too. Pete was his friend. He should hear it from me. I should have called him yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Sam, you were not yourself yesterday. Neither of us was. We weren’t really thinking, just reacting. Your brother will understand. If he doesn’t…Well, there’s always Teal’c,” Daniel shrugged, his expression deadpan.

Sam laughed in spite of the overwhelming guilt that she was feeling. She should have called Mark yesterday. “I have him on speed dial.”

“I do, too,” Daniel agreed. “Or I did.”

He set down his coffee and crossed the room, picking up the scattered pieces of his phone. He made a face as he set them down on the counter. She could tell that it was damaged beyond repair, and she knew he could, too. “Maybe we should add cell phone store to our list of places to go.”

She laughed again. “Daniel, you know that all our cell phones have to be cleared for secure transmissions.”

He nodded. “I seem to recall Ferretti saying his wife complained that their cell phone had a higher clearance than she did.”

She smiled and picked up one of the broken components. “You can’t even make a coaster out of this. I mean, at least a computer disc—”

“Sam,” Daniel interrupted, putting a hand over hers and taking the part from her. “Shouldn’t you call your brother now, before it gets any later?”

She looked at the clock. Given the time difference, Mark couldn’t be at work yet. If she didn’t call now, she wouldn’t catch him until after seven here in Colorado, when he got home from work. Maybe it would be better if she waited to tell him until after he was off of work. Something would come up though—Mark had two kids and they had activities after school—or Sam would forget again. Daniel was right. She should do it now. “Yes, I had better call Pete’s family first. His body has probably been released, and I should tell Mark when the funeral is—”

“Sam,” Daniel broke in gently, “Pete was your brother’s friend. Mark is closer to Pete’s family than you are. Let Mark call them. He deserves to hear about Pete from you, but the rest… the rest I think he can get on his own.”

She nodded. Daniel was right again. A conversation with Pete’s family would be awkward, especially since she was the reason that Pete was dead. She reached for the phone, and then, once it was in her hand, she hesitated, wanting to put the phone back. Daniel took it from her. “What’s the number?”

She gave it to him, and he dialed it for her, handing her the phone. She reluctantly put it to her ear. Daniel reached for her hand and cradled it in his. “You can do this, Sam. I know you can.”

She smiled weakly at him. If he wasn’t here, she certainly couldn’t do it. She would have found an excuse to put it off, if she would even have remembered to call, since he had been the one that said something that reminded her. She took a deep breath. Her brother picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Mark?” Sam began, searching for the right words to say. Daniel smiled at her encouragingly. “It’s Sam. I don’t know if you’ve heard—”

“Heard what, Sam? It’s not Dad, is it?” Mark asked, his voice full of concern. After they repaired their relationship four years ago, her father and Mark had been closer than they had ever been. Sam tried to call Mark once a week, and Jacob made sure to call every time he was on Earth, even if he couldn’t visit. But Mark, like every military sibling or son, waited for that call that meant that either Sam or their father had been killed in action. Sam understood the feeling. She’d grown up with it, but now she knew what her father was doing, the danger that he was in. She worried about him every time he left through the gate.

“No, it’s not Dad. Last time I spoke to him, he was fine. Mark, it’s Pete.” Sam sucked in her breath. Daniel squeezed her hand reassuringly. She looked at him, drawing strength from his presence. In her head, she quickly rehearsed the cover story the SGC had given her. It was as close to the truth as possible. “There was someone trying to steal military secrets. We discovered her, and she tried to kill me while attempting to escape. Pete was caught in the crossfire and killed. Mark, I am so sorry. I—”

“Sam, I appreciate you calling me,” Mark told her flatly. She knew that tone. He was angry with her.

“Mark, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to—”

“I have to go, Sam,” Mark interrupted. “I have to work.”

“Mark—” She began, but he had already hung up. She lowered the phone numbly, tears flooding her eyes. Daniel took the phone from her, set it down and gathered her into his arms.

She buried her face in his shoulder. She should have known that Mark would be angry. He had blamed their father and the military for their mother’s death and held that grudge for years. Now he had lost a friend because of the military, and he blamed Sam. Of course he was angry. She should have known that he would blame her.

“It’s okay, Sam,” Daniel soothed. “It wasn’t your fault. Mark shouldn’t blame you. He’s just hurting and he’s not thinking straight. Give him time.”

She nodded against his chest. Daniel, what would I do without you?

Daniel let Sam cry everything out. He shouldn’t have encouraged her to call her brother. He had thought that he was doing the right thing, but now he wasn’t so sure. He had told Sam to give Mark time, but he sounded more optimistic than he was. He didn’t know Sam’s brother. He had no idea how Mark would react, and he couldn’t be sure that Mark would forgive Sam. It wasn’t Sam’s fault, and Daniel wanted to knock some sense into Mark for the way that he treated Sam. She didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. The worst part was that Daniel was partially responsible for Sam’s exposure to that.

Sam withdrew from his arms. “Thank you, Daniel.”

He forced a smile for her benefit. “I’m sorry that I made you call.”

“Don’t be, Daniel,” she told him with a sad smile, touching his arm. “It was the right thing to do.”

“Doesn’t exactly feel like it right now,” he told her, turning to the counter and retrieving his coffee. He took a sip and looked at her tear stained face. She would probably feel better after she showered. He paused, trying to figure out the best way to suggest this to her.

“What’s our plan for today?” Sam asked, catching him off-guard. “What part of geek week are we going to do?”

“Oh, this is my decision now?” Daniel teased, making Sam smile, a genuine smile this time. He sat down at the counter, looking at her over his coffee cup. Finally, he smiled. “Actually, I have some thoughts. First, I think that we should sit down and plan our week. Then, since we will be getting a late start today, we should stay local and go to the Space Exploration Museum.”

She nodded. “You’ve certainly given this lots of thought. When did you have time to figure this out?”

“On the drive to the SGC yesterday,” Daniel told her. He had used planning as a way to distract himself after the conversation that he’d had with Sam. Her words, you were never a geek to me, had affected him more than he wanted them to, had meant more to him than he wanted to admit. He had to force that part of him that was ever hopeful where Sam was concerned to realize that those words did not mean what he wanted them to mean. She was a geek, too, of course she wouldn’t think he was, and she was his friend, nothing more. He had turned to planning geek week as a means to escape and finally selected his last activity. It was actually something that he thought she would enjoy more than he did, but he didn’t care.

“You were awfully quiet,” Sam agreed. She picked up her coffee and joined him at the counter. “So, anymore thoughts?”

“I’m beginning to feel like we’re going on a mission,” he said, frowning a little. “Did I just get stuck with the role of mission planner?”

“This is a joint effort, I promise,” she assured him, drinking more coffee. “Your thoughts?”

“Okay,” he sighed. “I know that Mesa Verde has a program where you can join an archaeological dig for a day. I know, it’s corny, but I’d like to do it. That means I have to make special arrangements, and it would probably be best if we put that off ’til the last day. Then I also thought that it wouldn’t make much sense to drive to Denver and back for our trips to the Nature and Science Museum and the zoo, so maybe we should stay in a hotel. And if we stayed in Denver, it would be less of a drive to get to Rocky Mountain. Since hiking will take us most of the day, we should probably get a room—”

“In Estes?” Sam interrupted, almost excited.

“Yes,” Daniel agreed. He already had a place in mind for their stay in Estes Park, one he’d heard about from one of the nurses. It sounded like an experience that both he and Sam would enjoy.

“Good,” Sam pronounced with child-like enthusiasm. “That way we can do some window shopping in the evening.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You think you’ll be up to window shopping after a day of hiking?”

She smiled. “Of course. Gate travel and long marches have really improved my endurance.”

“God, I hope not,” he muttered, and she shoved him playfully. He shrugged. “I’m sorry, Sam. I just don’t like shopping.”

“Window shopping is different,” she insisted in spite of his incredulity. “It’s more about looking and sharing the company of whomever you’re with.”

“We’ll see,” he was not about to commit to window-shopping. “Um, after Rocky Mountain and Estes, we can head back towards the Springs. I’m not sure what we’ll do, but—”

“Daniel! You haven’t picked yet?” she demanded in disbelief. “All this time you spent thinking and planning and you haven’t chosen your last activity yet?”

“What if I had and wanted it to be a surprise?” he countered.

She rolled her eyes. “I cannot believe you didn’t pick.”

Since it was easier to let her think that, he didn’t bother to correct her. He did want to feel her out beforehand, test her reaction, but he still wanted to keep his idea a secret. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe she wouldn’t like it, so he wouldn’t say a word. “So, we have plans?”

She laughed. “Yes, we have plans. Today the Museum of Space Exploration, tomorrow the Nature and Science Museum, then the zoo, then whatever you think of, and finally Mesa Verde.”

He nodded and finished his coffee, rising for a refill. “I assume you’ll insist on driving.”

“Of course,” she smiled. “Did you expect anything else?”

“No,” he answered, filling his cup. “But I’m paying.”

“What?” her question was loud enough to make him flinch. “Daniel, I am not letting you pay for everything.”

“Oh, no, not everything. You can pay your admission and your half of the meals. I’ll even let you pay for gas. But I’ll take care of the larger expenses, like the hotels.” He turned around in time to see her start to protest and continued, “Sam, I make more money than you and have little or nothing to spend it on.”

“Not even fascinating artifacts or reference materials?” she teased.

“Comes out of the Anthropology and Linguistics department budget.”

“Daniel,” her voice took on a suspicious tone, “how much money do you have?”

He laughed. “Not enough that anyone will marry me for it.”

She shook her head. “Daniel, there’s a whole infirmary full of nurses who would marry you without it.”

Daniel coughed and looked down at his hands. Jack and Sam liked to tease him about Janet’s nurses, Jack more than Sam. Daniel wasn’t blind. Some of them were extremely attractive women. They had great personalities and beautiful minds, but none of them were Sam. He had never connected with anyone the way that he had with Sam, not even Sha’re. His love for his wife had transcended culture and time, a rare thing that he should have appreciated more when he had it. When he lost it, lost Sha’re, he had never thought that he would feel anything like it again, at least not until he was completing Sam’s sentence one day and it hit him. He was already feeling that way. He didn’t know how long he had been in love with Sam, but he was. No one else could ever take her place.

“Oh, Daniel, I’m sorry. I know losing your memory brought back the pain of losing Sha’re. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, Sam, it’s okay. Sha’re is… I’ll always love her, but I’ve accepted her loss.” He smiled faintly. “But I am not dating one of Janet’s nurses.”

“Oh? Why not?” Sam asked, intrigued.

“Because it would make Jack too happy,” Daniel answered, not looking at her so that she couldn’t see the lie. “We should probably get ready if we’re going to the museum. I should probably go home, shower, and change. You can do the same, and we’ll meet up when we’re done.”

Sam’s eyes betrayed a brief moment of panic. “Um, Daniel, why don’t you wait here? I won’t be long, and we’ll go to your place together. That way we use up less gas and travel time.”

Daniel knew that wasn’t the real reason that she didn’t want him to go, but he knew Sam well enough to know when she needed something but didn’t want to ask for it. Whatever her reason, he knew that he would stay.

Sam returned from her shower refreshed and ready to face anything that might come at her. When she’d chosen an outfit before the shower, she’d gone with a baggy oversized t-shirt and a loose, worn pair of jeans, but when she got out of the shower, she changed her mind and put on a red v-neck that was almost off the shoulder, with short, ruffled sleeves, and tied at the waist. It was a gift from Cassie, who felt that Sam should stay as up to date on the latest fashions as possible despite being off-world as much as she was. She found a pair of black pants to match and smiled in approval. Her outfit was kind of fancy for a trip to the museum with her best friend, but it felt good, felt right.

She pinned back her hair a little and applied the barest of make-up before rejoining Daniel in the kitchen. He’d taken her laptop and started making reservations. When she tried to look at the screen earlier, he’d shooed her away to the shower. His secrecy about his plans was adorable.

She leaned against the wall and watched him for a minute. He had shoved his glasses on top of his head while he worked, and he squinted at the screen. His elbows were propped on the table, and he paused to take a drink of his coffee. She smiled. “All set?”

“Yes,” he smirked and then looked at her. His smile became genuine, without a hint of mocking. “Wow, Sam. You look nice.”

She found herself blushing. She hadn’t expected Daniel to notice. The fact that Daniel Jackson, extremely focused and generally oblivious archaeologist, had noticed was a true compliment. “Thank you, Daniel. So, where are we staying?”

The smirk returned. “I’m not saying.”

“Oh, come on, Daniel,” she began cajolingly. “I’d tell you.”

He frowned a little. “No, you wouldn’t. You like to surprise me. It isn’t hard, considering that I’m out of touch on the best day. This time it’s my turn to surprise you.”

She thought that she heard a challenge in those words. “I’ll get it out of you.”

“Honduran rebels couldn’t make me talk, and neither will you,” he told her with complete confidence. He believed that he could hold out on her, but he was wrong. She would get it out of him somehow; she knew she would.

“All right, let’s get you cleaned up,” she teased, grabbing her purse and keys. He narrowed his eyes at her, but he shut down the computer and closed the screen. He finished his coffee and followed her out of the house. She unlocked the car and got in behind the wheel. Daniel got in on the passenger side and slumped down in his seat. She started the car and pulled away from the curb.

“So, how much did the hotels set you back?” she asked as they stopped at an intersection.

Daniel looked at her, frowning again. “Sam, in the seven years that we’ve known each other, how many times have we discussed our finances?”

“Um,” she paused, searching her brain. She came up empty. She couldn’t really remember any specific times that they’d discussed money. There was earlier this morning, but other than that… “Okay, so we don’t really talk about stuff like that.”

“I have no intention of starting now,” he told her. “Don’t worry, Sam. I didn’t overspend my budget, and we’ll leave it at that.”

She nodded. He smiled at her. “It was a nice try, though.”

“What?” she asked innocently. His expression betrayed his incredulity. She sighed. He’d seen right through her. “It was worth a shot.”

“You can try all you want, Sam. But I won’t tell you anything.” He smiled smugly and folded his arms over his chest.

Sam made a face. This meant war. She parked in front of Daniel’s house. “We’ll see about that.”

Daniel was surprised to find Sam in his living room, apparently reading over his mission journals. He frowned. He wasn’t sure that he liked the idea of her reading his journals. He knew that she’d done it before, when she had thought that he was gone. She’d told him that she’d done it to feel close to him. That had touched him deeply. And he’d shared the entries that he’d made with her on occasion. But more recently, he’d found himself unconsciously switching to another language and writing down thoughts that no one should ever read. If he died again, he would have to leave instructions for these later journals to be destroyed.

Sam was, of course, the last person that he wanted to read these journals. Well, maybe not the last, because Daniel would rather she saw them than Jack, but he really didn’t want her to know, either. He was just fortunate that she couldn’t read Ancient.

“Sam?”

She turned to him, starting guiltily. She hadn’t meant to let him see her. She closed the book, setting it down on the couch, crossed to him, and wrapped her arms around him. “I forgot how much you believed in me.”

“Um, Sam,” he began, confused. He didn’t know what had brought on this sudden shift in Sam’s mood. She’d been happy—radiant was what he’d thought when he’d first seen her after her shower. They’d been joking and teasing on the way over here. She’d been laughing and determined to get him to talk when they got to his house.

His house. Oh, that was it. This was the first time that Sam had been to Daniel’s house since Pete’s death. The familiar surroundings probably triggered a flashback. Daniel wrapped his arms around her, hugging her fiercely. They should have seen this coming. He should have seen this coming. “Sam, I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have come here.”

“Daniel, it’s not like I could avoid coming to your house,” Sam told him, mumbling into his chest.

“Sure you could,” he corrected with a small smile. “I was going to move anyway.”

She laughed a little, which was what he had been hoping for. She looked up at him. “I’m sorry that I was reading your journals. I…. I just grabbed the one that helped me get through your… death. You wrote something in Ancient after the part that I read, something that I never… I always want to ask you about that, ask you what it said—”

“Whatever it was supposed to say, the translation’s wrong,” he told her, and she laughed against his chest. He relaxed a little, having deflected her question.

“I memorized that passage. I could hear your voice when I read it, and it made me feel like you were still with me,” she told him.

Daniel frowned, wondering what he could possibly have written that would have meant so much to her. He guided her towards the couch, unwilling to let her go. She didn’t seem to want to let him go, either, and he liked that. Forcing his mind to think about something else, he picked up the journal, leafing through the pages. Sam, knowing what he was looking for, took the book from him, flipped to the page that she’d been reading earlier, and handed it back to him.

“I had to ask Jack twice how Sam was,” Daniel read out loud. He remembered this. He’d written it as a part of the mission to Velona, the planet that Sam’s ascended friend Orlin was from. Sam had been the only one who could see him, and everyone thought that she was crazy. “First he told me that they’d taken everything out of Sam’s house. But that wasn’t what I asked. They didn’t find any evidence of Sam’s “guest.” Most everyone thinks that Sam is crazy now. I suppose that is the logical assumption. I can’t help but see the parallels to my own situation with Ma’chello’s Goa’uld killing invention. No one believed me then, and I wasn’t truly crazy. I don’t think that Sam is crazy, either. She’s a smart, capable woman who has risen to every challenge she’s faced. If she says that she’s seeing an alien who will only talk to her, is only visible to her, then she’s seeing an alien who will only talk to her.

“Damn it. Did I just agree to go to a Jell-O wrestling match with Jack and Teal’c?”

“I didn’t usually read that last part,” she said after a small fit of the giggles.

He smiled at her. He had read that part just to make her laugh. He was glad it worked. Something was nagging at him, though. “Sam, why does that comfort you so much? I mean, I’ve given you better compliments than that before. It’s not hard to admire someone when they’re always the one saving the world.”

She smiled up at him, blushing a little. “I liked this one because you believed in me. Even when I hypothetically told the colonel about Orlin, he wanted to have me committed. I could see it in his eyes. I don’t know what Teal’c thought, but you believed me.”

He knew he should say something in reply, but he didn’t know what. He looked down at the Ancient underneath the earlier entry. Although the translation was wrong, he knew what it was supposed to say. I think I may be biased where Sam is concerned. Why is that? What I said before is true. Sam’s smart, capable, beautiful, ingenious, and she always finds the solution. Wait a minute. Why did I list beautiful as one of Sam’s qualities? Not that she isn’t, but… why???

And for that matter, why is this in Ancient?

Daniel closed the journal and set it down. He turned to Sam. “Of course I believed you. I would have believed you even if you were crazy. I trust you.”

“I know,” she said, brushing stray tears out of her eyes. “I suppose we should get going.”

“Are you sure that you’re all right, Sam?” he asked, his eyes searching his face. “We don’t have to go anywhere if you’re not.”

She smiled at him and impulsively hugged him. “I’m fine. Really, Daniel. And I’m looking forward to going to the museum.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “Let’s go.”

The empty parking lot does not appear to be a good sign, Sam thought as she pulled up next to the Museum of Space Exploration. The lights were off inside the building. The place looked deserted, and she saw a closed sign in the window. She looked at the clock. It was eleven. The museum should be open by now. She nudged Daniel, who’d closed his eyes and attempted to nap on the short ride to the museum.

“What are the hours?”

Daniel looked over at the sign. “Um, I can’t read it.”

She reached over and pushed the glasses off the top of his head and back down onto his nose. “Oh. Um… Nine to five, except holidays. Is today a holiday, Sam?”

She frowned. It was September. There wasn’t a holiday in September except Labor Day. She thought about it. Yeah, that must be it. “I think it’s Labor Day.”

“Really?” he asked, frowning. “Wow. I had no idea that much time had passed.”

“Since when?” she inquired, intrigued. Did he mean the almost month that it had been since he was captured by the Honduran rebels? Or how long it had been since he came back to them?

Daniel looked sheepish. “Since I paid my electricity bill. I probably won’t have power when I get home.”

She laughed. That was so like him, forgetting something like paying his bills. He was so scatterbrained sometimes that he needed a keeper. It was good to know that some things never changed. “You can always come to my house if you need something, Daniel. But you really should sign up for an automatic bill pay.”

He nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I just keep forgetting to sign up. So…the museum is closed. Now what do you want to do?”

“What do you mean, what do I want to do?” she teased with a smile. “You are the master planner of this expedition.”

He smiled back at her and stretched a little in his seat. “Well, I could pick something for us to do, but this is your day. If I pick something today, then I have to give up the other day that was supposed to be my choice, just to keep it fair.”

She shook her head. Of course he would think of that. He truly did believe in equality and fairness. He wanted her to have her day. She’d chosen the museum, and it wasn’t open. She should be the one to decide what they did instead. Unless, of course, she wanted to switch days. She didn’t totally disbelieve him when he said that he had something planned for that day… and she didn’t want to make him give up whatever he was trying to keep a secret. She looked at him. Thinking about the Honduran rebels had reminded her that Daniel had gotten shot not too long ago. She did have an idea for an alternate activity, but would he be up to it? She hoped so.

“How’s your leg?”

He looked at her suspiciously. “It’s fine. It doesn’t really hurt, and Janet cleared me for duty a long time ago. What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Cave of the Winds,” Sam answered with a smile.

He gave her an odd look, but he didn’t say anything. He shrugged. “I think it’ll be fine, Sam. I agreed to go hiking with you, and I didn’t even think about my leg. It doesn’t bother me much.”

That was true. She had forgotten that he’d already agreed to something more strenuous than a tour of the Cave of the Winds. She did suspect that he really wasn’t telling her the complete truth, but she’d watch him and make sure that he didn’t hurt himself.

“So, Cave of the Winds?”

He nodded. “Cave of the Winds.”

It didn’t take long to reach Manitou Springs, the location of the Cave of the Winds. The parking lot was full. Today was a holiday. The cave was a popular tourist attraction. Daniel had expected as much. True, he’d never been to the cave before today, and were it not for Sam choosing this as an alternate to the museum, he probably would never have come. He studied cave formations before, on and off-world. He had spent half his life in some tomb or other searching for answers to ancient civilizations, but he had never considered spelunking as a means of recreation. Sam would, of course, and he loved that about her.

They got out of the car and walked up to the entrance. He found himself fighting the urge to put an arm around her waist. His awkwardness was solved by Sam knocking him with her shoulder. She linked her arm with his. It was completely natural; something that they’d done before. They weren’t uncomfortable in each other’s space, but having her initiate the contact made it so that he could relax. She wouldn’t be uncomfortable with him touching her, which was something that he worried about more and more as his unrequited feelings grew stronger.

As they approached, the man at the ticket office gave them an odd look, which didn’t surprise Daniel. He’d given Sam one when she suggested Cave of the Winds. She’d dressed nicely today, and he had done the same, not wanting to detract from her beauty by under dressing. Neither he nor Sam was wearing clothes that a normal person would choose to wear while exploring a cave. Sam was disappointed to learn that the longer Lantern tours were only given on the weekends, but they bought tickets for the next Discovery tour anyway. The ticket seller explained that while there was normally a half-an-hour wait for the next tour, due to the extra holiday volume, it would be about an hour.

Sam eagerly dragged Daniel into the Old Curiosity Shop. He didn’t mind, since they had an hour to kill anyway. He wandered around. It always amused him just how much gifts shops catered to young children. In addition to the items related to the cave—junior spelunker helmets with lights, rocks of various composition to examine and fill pouches with, books on rock formations—there were always generic toys as well: bouncing balls, marbles, and those squishy tube things. As the cave was a Colorado attraction, the postcards and other souvenirs featured Colorado wildlife as well as the cave.

He left Sam examining some quartz and picked up a book on the history of the Cave of the Winds, reading about the early history of the earth as it pertained to the formation of this particular cavern. It was actually fascinating the way that certain geological events had played a part in making one system of caves.

“I should have known I’d find you in the book section,” Sam said, startling him.

He looked up from the book and smiled. “I think I need this book.”

“Interesting?” she asked, lifting the corner and looking at the cover of the book.

“‘During the early Ordovician Period, gentle uplift and erosion removed a large amount of the Peerless Formation in this area. The sea deepened again, and a period of intense carbonate deposition began. The Manitou Formation was deposited consisting of nearly 200 feet of dolomite and limestone. Today, this formation is red or buff-gray. Fossils, such as trilobites, can be found in the Manitou and remaining Peerless formations. The sea retreated in the middle of the Ordovician period, but again transgressed later in the period. This resulted in the sandstone and shale Harding Formation and the carbonates of the Fremont Limestone. Unfortunately, both of these formations were almost entirely eroded locally, but can be seen to the south near Cañon City, Colorado,’” Daniel read aloud from the book. He looked over at her and saw the interest in her face. She would enjoy this as much as he would.

“You’ll have to let me borrow it when you’re done,” she told him. “But you’ve been reading for a while. We have about fifteen minutes before our tour.”

Daniel nodded. “Okay. Let me just get this book, and then we’ll go wait for the tour to start.”

Sam looked at him. “Daniel, I don’t think that you want to carry your book through the cave.”

“True,” Daniel agreed, looking down at the book. He saw that Sam had something that she was thinking of buying, too. “Tell you what. Let’s get what we want and take it out to the car. Then we’ll be just in time for our tour.”

Sam nodded. He let her go ahead of him in line for the cashier. While he was waiting, he picked up a pen from the display near the register. It was one of those pens that had a sliding picture on one end. This one had a bat that went in and out of a cave. Some said, “Cave of the Winds”, but others said, “I’m Bats About Bats.”

Daniel was reminded of the time when they’d been exploring a cave on another world where Jack, ever the trained and alert military officer, had been startled by a bat. The poor animal had taken a half-clip of a P-90 before Daniel was able to convince Jack to stop shooting. Yes, the pen was a perfect gift.

Daniel set the pen and book down on the counter and took out his wallet. Sam picked up the pen. “I don’t really think that you need another pen, Daniel.”

He shook his head. “It’s for Jack.”

“For the colonel?” she asked. She looked at the pen and started laughing. “Daniel, I think you’d better be careful giving that to him.”

“I’ll leave it on his desk,” Daniel told her. “By the time he finds it, he’ll never realize that it was me that put it there.”

Sam was laughing so hard that she had to grab Daniel’s arm for support.

Her plan to use geek week to keep her mind off of Pete wasn’t working. It might have been because of the way that she and Daniel had been forced to change their plans—she couldn’t be certain— but wherever she looked around her at the Cave of the Winds, she saw families. Parents had the day off, children were out of school, and families had congregated at Cave of the Winds to enjoy their free time together. Children of all ages waited for their turn in caves, from babies held in pouches in front of their parents to disenchanted teenagers. As Sam watched the children and happy parents, she couldn’t help but think of the future that couldn’t be now that Pete was dead. <>

She didn’t know that Pete was that elusive “one,” but she had thought about whether or not he could be. They’d gone on a few dates, and they’d hit it off well. Pete would have been a good dad; she could tell. He was funny and caring, almost the picture of the perfect dad. Sure, she’d given thought to it, even if it was early in their relationship. She wanted to know if they had a future, if… if Pete would be enough to help her forget her foolish infatuation with her superior officer. Deep down, she’d known that Pete was not that person, no matter how good he was with kids. The other day, at the park, two boys had been playing with a soccer ball and hit him with it. Pete had picked it up and handed it back to them with a smile, teasing the boys into being more careful. She had not dated a gentler man; she didn’t think she knew of anyone gentler, except Daniel. She remembered the way that he had been with Shifu. Daniel would be an amazing, wonderful father.

“Sam, are you okay?” Daniel asked, causing her to jerk and turn towards him. He was frowning at her in that way she’d come to recognize, one full of concern. He’d looked at her like that on their way to Netu.

“Yes, why?”

“Because you’ve been staring at that baby like you sense naquadah in her blood,” Daniel told Sam.

She smiled a little, but shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” Daniel continued to press, his concern egging him on. He didn’t believe her. She supposed that she should be glad that he cared enough to push, but it did get old fast. “We don’t have to go through the cave.”

The guide cleared his throat. Daniel had been talking during his safety procedures spiel, and the guide, a young man in his early twenties, gave Daniel the look a teacher gave a student talking during a lecture. “Sir, if you don’t pay attention to the safety rules, you could end up getting in an accident.”

Daniel put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “Oh, I think this very capable Air Force Major would rescue me if that happens.”

Sam blushed and hissed reprovingly, “Daniel!”

The rest of their group laughed. The guide frowned, clearly not enjoying being made a fool of. Sam knew that Daniel hadn’t meant his comment that way. He was teasing her, not the guide. She looked at Daniel and smiled. The guide waited for silence and then finished his speech, at least temporarily. He led the group into the cave, explaining briefly the history that went into the limestone formation that became Cave of the Winds. Sam turned to Daniel, about to suggest that his book would have more information when she caught the guide looking at them pointedly. She exchanged a look with Daniel, trying hard not to laugh.

She forced herself to listen as the guide talked about how stalactites were formed. This was something that she already knew, but she wanted the full experience of the tour, so she tried to pay attention.

“Caves are part of what's called karst topography...basically the topography or the layout of the land sinking. The stalactites and stalagmites are calcified limestone. When it drips from the roof of the cave and calcifies or hardens, you get the stalactites. When it drips onto the cave floor and forms a column, it's a stalagmite…”

She found her mind wandering after a while, studying a stalactite. She was reminded of their trip to P98-432, the planet she and Daniel had nicknamed “Dracula” after the colonel shot that bat. Even if Daniel’s pen joke hadn’t already reminded her, the cave’s similar structure would have done it. Sam had been examining a stalactite with traces of naquadah when she heard the gunfire echoing in the cave, arriving just in time to see Daniel wrestling a P-90 from the colonel’s hands and one very dead bat. She’d looked down, then at Daniel, and broken into laughter. The colonel didn’t say anything right away, but soon enough, there was a “Knock it off, Carter.” By then, both she and Daniel had been laughing uncontrollably and no reminder of her rank was enough to stop her. Daniel had escorted her back to her stalactite, leaving Teal’c and the colonel to cope with the mess.

She felt Daniel’s gentle hand guiding her back and realized that she must have been wandering as much as her mind was. She blushed again, grateful for the dim light.

She wasn’t so grateful a minute later when the dim light disappeared. Her military training was overridden by blind panic, and she frantically sought Daniel’s hand. She knew that there must have been a warning that they were headed into darkness, but she hadn’t been paying attention. Her hand grasped Daniel’s and tightened around it, probably enough to give him pain. He covered her hand with his other hand, and his comforting presence chased away the lingering images and feelings from her dream that the darkness had caused to resurface.

Daniel was there. She was safe.

Daniel had been surprised when Sam’s hand found his in the darkness. Surprised, but pleasantly so. He hadn’t expected the darkness to spook Sam, not the courageous Major Carter, no matter how distracted she’d been. He’d seen her smiling in the small light, so whatever memory or daydream she was lost in, it had been a happy one. He was glad to see her smile, but since she was smiling her fear of the darkness had shocked him for a moment, and he had taken a while—too long in his opinion—to cover her hand in both of his. As soon as he did, he felt the tension in her body ease.

Selfishly, he held onto her hand for as long as she would let him. She didn’t stop him, not until they were going through a narrow passageway, and they had no choice but to let go. After they passed through the passage, Daniel was surprised once more when Sam took his hand again. She smiled at Daniel and then turned back to the guide, seeming to pay attention to his explanation of how early cultures might have used a cavern system like this.

Looking around, Daniel was reminded of Chaka’s tribe and how Chaka had lived in caves like this when Daniel first encountered him. But Chaka had also been able to adapt to other societies and brokered peace between his people and the SGC. “Just because they were cave dwellers does not make them a primitive society.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. The guide looked at him in annoyance. Daniel bit his lip sheepishly. “Sorry. Anthropologist. Force of habit.”

Sam smiled at him. “Chaka is advanced, Daniel.”

He smiled back at her, feeling a warm sense of contentment wash over him. She’d been thinking the same thing as he was. The guide glared at both of them before continuing. Sam looked like she was trying not to giggle. Daniel ducked his head. He knew if he kept looking at her, he’d laugh, too.

The tour was over; it was just a question and answer session while they waited for the group that had gone before them to finish at the photography stand. Sam watched the families taking pictures with a sad smile. She wanted to have that, a loving husband and beautiful children. Daniel closed his eyes, wanting more than anything to be the one to give her that. But she didn’t want that with him. She wanted it with Jack.

“So, anthropologist, huh?” Daniel opened his eyes to find the father of the three older children in their group looking at him.

“Well, Egyptology and archaeology are my specialties,” Daniel corrected. He had said anthropologist earlier because it fit the situation. He was an anthropologist, just a specialized one.

“He also has a doctorate in philology,” Sam added. “He’s too modest.”

Daniel looked at her. She wasn’t teasing him, just smiling at him with pride. She’d told him once that he’d changed the way she looked at things. She had sounded proud just to know him, but he’d never really seen her like this, almost bragging about his achievements. He turned back to the man who had addressed him.

“She’s got a doctorate in theoretical astrophysics,” Daniel told the man, earning a glare from Sam. He shrugged. “You’re the one that mentioned my doctorate. Turnaround’s fair play.”

The man laughed. His wife wrapped an arm around his waist, and they exchanged a look and a smile that made Daniel feel the need to say that Sam was just a friend because it looked like the couple had gotten a wrong impression about him and Sam. The other man spoke first. “So you study cave culture, huh?”

“I have in the past,” Daniel agreed. If they only knew what he really did… “I’ve been using my language skills to earn my keep lately.”

“Oh, we need you for much more than linguistics,” Sam was quick to assure him. Everyone on base seemed to be doing that since he returned, making sure that he knew that they valued him and wanted him at the SGC.

Daniel smiled at Sam. The other man laughed again. “So you work together?”

Sam and Daniel nodded. The wife smiled. “We tried to run a business together. Complete disaster. We could hardly stand each other by the end of the day.”

“It helps that neither of us is the boss of the other,” Sam explained, blissfully unaware of the couple’s misconception about the two of them. “Daniel heads the Linguistics Department, and I’m in charge of the Science department.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” the woman continued, looking like she was about to launch into a long story when their daughter came up to them.

“Mom, it’s our turn,” the girl interrupted, her tone the long-suffering one of a child whose parents were always striking up conversations with complete strangers. She gave Daniel a sympathetic look as she drew her parents away.

He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. Sam laughed and nudged him. “It’s nice being real people for a change, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you mean not busy saving the world, just being our normal geeky selves, mentioning our doctorates in public, that sort of thing?” Daniel teased.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, that sort of thing.”

The couple they’d been talking to was the last family before Daniel and Sam. They waved goodbye to their new “friends” before their children distracted them with pleas to buy things at the gift shop. Daniel looked at Sam. “I guess it’s a good thing that we went shopping first. Not that they weren’t nice, but—”

“Oh, Daniel,” Sam laughed, “a couple of stories wouldn’t have been that bad.”

He shook his head. “It would have gotten to folk remedies used by someone’s grandmother eventually. Trust me.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m a good listener,” he answered, ushering Sam over to the photo backdrop. The photographers had set up a well-lit area next to the cavern wall. “Good listeners always get stuck hearing folk remedy stories.”

Sam laughed again and lost her balance mid-step, falling into him. He caught her and steadied her on her feet again. They looked at each other for a moment until the camera flashed. Startled, they turned to the photographer.

She grinned at them. “You two were so adorable there that I couldn’t resist. Come see.”

She showed them the digital imaging of their photograph. Daniel choked a little. Could he be any more obvious about the way he felt? He looked like a love struck fool, his hands on Sam’s waist, a dopey smile on his face, and Sam looked up at him with a grateful smile. It was a good picture, just so…obvious.

“Oh, that’s great,” Sam gushed. “We’ll take two.”

“Two?” the woman frowned and then smiled. “They do make nice gifts, don’t they?”

“A gift? I didn’t even think of that,” Sam said. “What do you think, Daniel? Do we need one for the colonel and T—Murray?”

“Um, Murray might like one,” Daniel’s tongue felt thick and sluggish. Jack should never see that picture. “But we’d better not remind Jack too much of the whole bat thing.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah, the pen that you got him is enough. Just three then. No, wait, four. One for Janet and Cassie.”

Daniel nodded, unable to speak. He felt kind of sick. He was so obvious in that picture that everyone in the SGC would soon know. Everyone, that was, except Sam, who could not see it. She didn’t think of him that way, would never dream that he could think of her that way. He saw a look of pity in the photographer’s eyes and turned away.

“We have to pick up the pictures in the gift shop,” Sam told him.

Daniel forced a smile. “Maybe they’ve already left.”

Sam snickered, linking her arm in his. “Daniel, did I ever tell you that my grandmother swore by frankincense?”

He winced. “Sam, please, don’t start—”

“Don’t worry,” she was quick to assure him, “I’m only kidding.”

Somehow, he wasn’t relieved.

Quiet Daniel was disturbed Daniel. Sometimes his silence was a by product of getting wrapped up in some project or discovery, though he also muttered to himself when he was wrapped up in thought, but most of the time, Daniel’s silence was more of a brooding type, where he retreated into those dark places of his mind that he didn’t allow anyone else to see. Sam didn’t know what had sent him to that place. He’d been kind of quiet after the photographer’s stand, quieter still when they picked up their pictures, and he hadn’t said a word since they got in the car. He bent over his book, pretending to read, but she knew that he wasn’t really reading. He hadn’t turned the page since they got in the car, and he should have by now. She wondered if he had ever done something like this with Sarah and if it brought back memories, good or bad. Sam could tell, though, by the setline of his jaw that he wasn’t going to tell her anything, no matter how much she prodded.

She pulled over onto a scenic overlook, parked the car, and got out, walking towards the railing. She knew that his protective instincts would draw him out of the car and to her side. She stretched and looked out at the vista. It was such a nice day, bright and warm sun behind the mountains on the horizon. She closed her eyes and smiled contentedly.

She heard the car door close behind her and turned to see Daniel coming towards her. She smiled at him. “It’s nice here. Want to stay a while?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“Let’s sit outside, shall we?” Sam suggested.

Daniel gave her an odd look. “Sam, there’s no where to sit outside. There’s no benches, no picnic tables…”

She laughed and hopped onto the hood of her car, leaning back on the windshield. She patted the hood next to her. Daniel stared at her for a minute, then smiled and shook his head. He climbed up with a grimace. Sam bit her lip. It was probably his leg bothering him, but she didn’t want to ask. He’d deny it was bothering him, like he had earlier. Instead, she waited for him to settle, then leaned against his good side. With the sun beating down on her, she was rather warm, almost like that dream she’d had, with the warm, sunny beach…

Daniel took his book from where he’d set it to climb up and opened it. Before he could lose himself in it again, Sam nudged him, unable to stop a teasing smile. “So, you’re just going to ignore me and read your book?”

He looked at her and smiled. “I don’t have to read.”

She elbowed him a little. “That was a hint, Daniel. You could share.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You want me to read to you?”

She felt herself blushing. When he said it like that, it sounded childish. She wished that she hadn’t asked. Looking at her face, Daniel frowned slightly and touched her hand. “Hey. It’s all right. I was just surprised; that’s all.”

She smiled at him weakly. She couldn’t help feeling a little foolish. What Air Force Major asks her best friend to read to her? He squeezed her hand reassuringly, then opened the book, and started reading. Once again, she got lost in his voice and felt herself starting to nod off. Knowing that Daniel would wake her whenever he needed to move, that she was safe and warm, she didn’t fight sleep.

Daniel didn’t want to wake Sam. She looked so peaceful, so serene sleeping there, next to him. Still, his arm was getting tired, and his eyes ached from reading while squinting in the sun. He nudged her a little, and she stirred slightly, mumbling to herself. He smiled at her indulgently and combed back the hair from her forehead, tempted to kiss her. He wouldn’t dare do that, which was why he had to wake her up, before he did anything so stupid. He nudged her again, sliding out from underneath her a little.

She did not awaken. He rolled off the hood with a slight grunt as his bad leg hit the ground. He had forgotten his painkillers, and the trek through the cave had worn him out, probably more than it should have.

Somehow, Sam heard him and woke up. Sleepily, she yawned, blinking at him. “Daniel? Are you okay?”

He nodded. “I’m fine. Just got up a little too fast. Have a good nap?”

“Yeah,” she smiled at him, hopping off the car effortlessly. Well, that nap certainly energized her, he thought, bemused. She picked up his book, running her fingers along its spine. “Did you finish this yet?”

“Not quite,” he answered playfully, “but close. Look, the sun’s starting to set. You were out for a while.”

He could see the wheels turning in Sam’s brain as she digested that. Daylight Savings Time meant that the sun set at about six-thirty or seven, sometimes as late as seven-thirty. It was earlier today, about six-twenty, but he let her think it was later to tease her. She looked abashed, and he couldn’t help laughing a little. She frowned at him, discovering his prank.

“Funny, Daniel,” she said, but her smile gave her away. She wasn’t really that angry. She stretched for a minute, and then turned back to him. “Hey, are you hungry?”

He considered. He wasn’t really that hungry, but he knew that they’d be going their separate ways if they didn’t eat together. Sam’s fierce independence was back. She would be taking back her life, meaning that she’d want to be alone. “Maybe a little.”

“I’m starving,” she told him. “Mexican good by you?”

“Sure,” he agreed, taking the book from her. She smiled widely as she walked over to her door and climbed behind the will, still grinning. He couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face as he got in on the passenger side. He loved to see her happy.

Sam started the car and expertly navigated them back to the Springs and over to Academy boulevard. Daniel knew where they were headed. Three Margaritas. Colorado Springs had plenty of Mexican restaurants, two Three Margaritas, in fact, but the SGC was fond of Three Margaritas. One of the nurses had started it, talking her coworkers into going there, and it eventually became a base-wide trend among those that liked Mexican food.

She pulled into the lot and parked, looking up at the tiled roof and sign. “Three margaritas sound pretty good, huh?”

He looked at her. Drinking was a very, very bad idea with the way his thoughts had been running lately. “I’ll be the designated driver.”

Should have gone ahead and had the three margaritas, Sam thought as she walked into her house. She closed the door behind her and crossed to the window, peaking out at the car driving away through a crack in the curtain. The taillights faded into the distance, and she let the curtain fall back in place. She turned away, walking further into the house. She had been close to asking Daniel to stay again, it even looked like he was close to asking if he should stay again, but she knew that she needed to take back control of her life. She had to stop leaning on Daniel. She was tough. She could do this.

She still wished that she’d had the three margaritas.

Sam set her purse and keys on the counter next to her phone. The answering machine was blinking with a new message. She figured that it was probably the colonel with another offer to hang out at his place, but she decided to listen to it anyway.

“Sam. It’s Mark. I talked to Pete’s family. The funeral is on Saturday morning. I’ll be flying in for it. If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to stay with you. Let me know if that will work. Bye.”

She stood still for a minute. Her brother’s message had been short, but civil. He was probably still angry, but his willingness to stay with her was a step in the right direction. First thing tomorrow, she’d call him back and let him know that it was okay. Actually, she grimaced as she rethought her position; it would be better to call when Mark and his wife were at work and their kids were in school so that Sam would get the answering machine. She took our the pad she kept next to the phone for writing down numbers, made a note to call Mark, and then stuck it on her purse so that she wouldn’t forget.

Sighing, she went to the cupboard to grab a cup for tea. Herbal tea would be good for her, help her relax and fall asleep. It wasn’t as great a relaxant as the margaritas would have been, but she couldn’t take back that decision now. She heated some water on the stove, drumming her fingers impatiently.

Mark was coming. He would be staying here, in her house. She should get her guest room ready. She hadn’t had any guests lately, at least none that used the guest room—Cassie was “too old” for sleeping over like she had in the past. Sam would need to wash the sheets and open the windows to get fresh air moving in there. She hadn’t worried about that room too much, just a quick dust every now and again. She ought to clean it before Mark came, really clean, but she was going with Daniel tomorrow. If things went according to plan, then she wouldn’t be home until Friday at the earliest.

Oh, she needed to talk to Daniel. If Pete’s funeral was on Saturday, then they wouldn’t be able to make it to Mesa Verde. He would be so disappointed, since that was one of the activities that he had chosen. She went to the phone and picked it up, then set it down again. She’d talk to Daniel about it, in person. She’d need to be able to look in his eyes and gauge his disappointment. She knew that he would say it didn’t matter, no matter how much it did.

The whistle of the teakettle startled her. She’d forgotten about that. Shaking her head, she walked back to the stove and switched off the burner. She fixed herself a cup of chamomile tea and stood against the counter, drinking thoughtfully.

She wanted to be able to give Daniel what he wanted. She’d missed him so much when he was ascended, and even though he was back, she sometimes feared that he would leave again. After they’d rescued Bra’tac and Ry’ac, she’d thought that he’d found his place on SG-1 again. But a small doubt still nagged at her. She’d thought maybe he might leave after Sarah’s death, and she was relieved when he tried so hard to get back to work and then threw himself wholeheartedly into their Geek Week. He wasn’t leaving. Still, he’d been excited about Mesa Verde. She hated to let him down. Maybe he could reschedule it? Maybe go there for his unplanned day? She didn’t know if that would work. Daniel would know. She’d leave the decision up to him, but whenever he wanted to go, she’d go with him. She owed him that much.

She went to take a sip of her tea and discovered that her cup was empty. Sighing, she decided to try and sleep.

Daniel looked at the clock again. His house was quiet, and every second seemed to echo against the walls. He stared at the ceiling and waited, wondering if counting sheep would help. Monotony led to boredom; boredom led to sleep. Or so the legend went, but counting sheep had never worked for him. A brilliant mind could be a curse because it never seemed to stop thinking, analyzing and over analyzing, and Daniel’s brain was no exception. He had always over thought things, agonized over decisions and things that he could not change.

Someone, some brilliant alien race, needed to develop a cure for thinking too much. And for insomnia. Not a sleeping pill, but a real cure, one that would eliminate the cause, not band-aid the problem.

If only someone, something, anything could cure the reason for his insomnia. He wasn’t stupid. He knew why he was awake right now. It was remarkably easy to become accustomed to someone’s presence, especially Sam’s. Daniel had only slept next to her twice, not counting missions because they weren’t the same, but now he couldn’t sleep because he wasn’t next to her.

He was finally passing the point where his physical exhaustion overrode his mental aerobics when his phone rang. He groaned. Not now. Please. I was almost asleep. “Hello?”

“Daniel? It’s Sam. Did I wake you? Oh, god, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s all right,” he assured her immediately. She needed him or she wouldn’t have called. Sam was too considerate to call for no reason at this time of night. No, she needed him, and that was all that mattered. “I wasn’t asleep.”

She sighed deeply, and he knew, just knew, that she’d had another nightmare. Only this time, she’d been alone, and she was probably even more shaken and scared than she had been before. She had no one to calm her, tell her that it was okay. Damn. He knew that he should have asked to stay. “Sam, are you okay? Did you have another nightmare?”

He said it as gently as he could. He didn’t need to ask, but if he just told her that it was a dream, and everything was okay, he’d be insensitive. He could picture her now, closing her eyes and nodding. “Yes. Daniel, I’m sorry to bother you with this.”

“Sam, you’re not bothering me. I promise. I’d tell you if you were. I’m just sorry that I’m not there to help you in person.”

She sighed. It sounded a bit wistful, but that was probably his wishful thinking. “Daniel, you are too nice. Are you sure I didn’t wake you?”

“Yes, Sam, I’m sure. Is there something I can help you with? Something I can say? Anything?” He knew his tone bordered on desperate, but he didn’t know what to say. It would be easier if he was there. She seemed to be reassured by his physical presence. “I don’t know how to help.”

“You help just by being there, Daniel. You might not be here physically, but you’re here for me, and I need that. More than you know. Just…”

She trailed off, and he waited a few minutes in the tense silence, listening to her breathe. “Just what?”

“Could you keep talking? I don’t care what you talk about. I just need to hear your voice, to know that you’re there.”

He nodded, suppressing a yawn. “Sure. I’ll just pick up where I left off discussing Mesopotamian fertility rites, shall I?”

He heard her giggle and knew that he’d made the right choice. He laid his head back on the pillow and began to speak. “The two main rivers in Mesopotamia were the Tigris and Euphrates. The Euphrates River was the main source of defense for Ancient Babylon, as well as the source of its fertile land. There is a story about…”

He kept talking, occasionally adding something random about nothing to see if she was paying attention. She caught him every time he did and chided him for making her laugh, as that wasn’t going to help her sleep. He smiled when she said that. He wasn’t trying to keep her awake. He just didn’t want to drone on if she had already fallen asleep.

“Daniel,” Sam interrupted sleepily. “Do you ever get tired of what we do?”

“Going through the Stargate, risking our lives, that kind of thing?”

“Yeah, that.”

He sighed. “I was tired for a long time before I ascended. Nothing was ever good enough; I wasn’t good enough. I’d failed Sha’re and Sarah…”

“You didn’t fail them,” Sam immediately insisted. “Sha’re knew that you loved her. And Sarah—”

“Sam, please, don’t start. I don’t want to talk about this now.”

“You brought it up,” she told him.

“No, you did. You asked me if I was tired of what we do. I was. Once. And I explained why,” he said firmly. “You didn’t say why you asked.”

“I’m not sure I want to do it anymore. I don’t want to be the brave soldier. I want a life outside the SGC. Is that too much to ask?”

“Of course not. Sam, listen to me. You are incredibly smart and talented. There is so much more to you than your rank in the Air Force. You’re not just a brave soldier. You are brave, period. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’re smarter, too. Everyone who knows you admires and respects you. Most of them love you. And—”

“Do you love me?” she asked in a small voice.

“Of course I do. Don’t ever doubt that,” he told her, ignoring the ache in his chest. She didn’t mean it that way. She meant it as a friend. Don’t be stupid. Don’t give yourself away.

“Say it,” her voice was commanding despite its sleepiness.

“I love you, Sam,” he said softly, wondering if he had just ruined everything. He waited a few anxious moments, then swallowed hard. “Sam?”

There was no answer. If there was any mercy to be had, she hadn’t heard him.

To Chapter 4

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