Breaking the Curse

Chapter Nine

Mark's words repeated in her head for the next week. She couldn't forget them, as much as she desperately wanted to forget them, forget everything that they meant, everything that they could be. She didn't want to think about it, not ever. Because she didn't want to admit their truth. It was better to forget. Why, if you have someone like Daniel in your life, did you allow me to set you up with Pete?

She did not know what to say. She couldn't answer, not then, not now. She had started to, that day, the beer wetting her lips, her head spinning, but her Daniel is my friend died before it left her mouth. And Mark had looked at her with disgust, shaking his head as he turned away.

“Sam, you're my sister. You're brilliant, but this time, you're being really, really stupid.”

“Sam? You with us?” the voice of her father interrupted her thoughts. She shook off the memories and turned towards him.

“Dad. I'm sorry. I was just... thinking,” she told him, forcing a small smile.

“You've been thinking a lot lately,” he said gently. “If you were thinking about the device, that would be one thing, but you're not. Your mind is a million miles away.”

“I know. And I'm sorry, I really am. I can't stop thinking about everything, about what happened, about what people said... It all started on the mission with the Prometheus...”

“You were alone, with a concussion,” her father said. He touched her arm, smiling at her. She felt warm, safe. It was something that only a father's love could create, and she was so lucky to still have him. The Tok'ra had given her more time with him, and every minute of that was precious. “I was so glad to know that you were okay, Sam. I was so relieved.”

“Yeah, I'm okay,” she repeated, nodding her head absently.

“You're not okay,” her father immediately disagreed. He turned her so that she was facing him, unable to look away, unable to hide. “What's wrong?”

“On the Prometheus, when I had the concussion, I had...hallucinations,” she began. This wasn't easy to talk about. It wasn't that she was ashamed, exactly, but she hadn't wanted to discuss it, not even for the official debriefing. She'd kept the details as brief and impersonal as possible, leaving out the conversations with her father and the colonel that were too private. “I saw my friends...and you. You told me that I deserved to love and be loved. And I listened to you and to my friends... I wanted something more than the SGC... I let Mark set me up with a man named Pete. He was sweet and funny, and we had a good time together. And then... You heard what happened with Osiris, didn't you? She killed Pete. He was there because of me, and she killed him.”

Jacob put his arms around her and held her while she cried. She had not finished grieving yet. She had not wanted to, not with anyone besides Daniel, and Daniel wasn't here now. She could use this, if she was honest with herself. She could really use the comfort of her father's arms and letting go of this again. Having her father hold her made her feel small, yes, but small in a good way, in the way that meant that she was held safe and protected, that she didn't have to carry the burden for just a little while. It felt so very good.

“Sam,” her father began gently. “That wasn't your fault. I know that you want to blame yourself for it, but you didn't kill him. You didn't ask him to follow you, and you did not fire at him. In fact, from what I read, he distracted you and almost got you killed. Honestly, I was angry when I read that report. Angry that you'd been in that situation, angry that someone close to you had been hurt, angry that I wasn't able to be there for you.”

“You're here now,” she told him, looking up at him with a smile. “You're here now, and that's all that matters, Dad.”

He shook his head again. “No, it isn't. You're a big girl now, and I can't protect you from everything that's bad. I can't force you to live your life the way I want you to, and I wouldn't deny you this, even if a part of me wishes you were still at home playing with your dolls, still my little girl. But you are grown up now, and you're doing amazing things. This is a better life than I could have imagined. Except for one thing. You're right, you deserve to love and be loved. And you are loved, by me and by your friends. I don't blame you for wanting more. I wouldn't have suggested one of Mark's friends, though.”

Sam frowned. She felt like laughing now. This wasn't something that she talked about with her father. Ever. She would have confessed all of this to her mother, but her father? She couldn't do this. She couldn't even admit that she'd...well, slept with Pete. That was something she would never admit to her father, even if it was true. “You had someone in mind, then?”

Jacob smiled at her. “Oh, I think I know who's right for my daughter. Not good enough, because no one is, but the right man, yes, I think I know who he is.”

“Oh, so you've met him, have you?” Sam rolled her eyes. “Please tell me this isn't about Major Ward again. Really, Dad—“

“No, not Major Ward,” Jacob said. He shook his head. “Sometimes, Sam, you don't see what's right in front of you.”

“What?” she asked, but before he could answer, the other members of their team came in, and she had to focus on the device again. Funny, she thought, that shouldn't be a bad thing.

Jack said that he was sulking. And, Daniel had to admit, it was true. He had never considered himself this childish or petty before, but he felt like it now. He knew why, too. Sam was gone. She was working with the Tok'ra, and what she was doing was very important, not just to the SGC but to the galaxy. He shouldn't resent that, but he did. He couldn't help it. It had taken her away from him. He was left here, on Earth, with nothing but translations and grief to occupy his mind.

He thought of Sam a lot. More than he wanted to, more than he had thought he would. It wasn't usually like this. They'd been separated before, and he had worried about her, but not with the same all-consuming dread that nearly paralyzed him now.

“You done sulking?” Jack asked, leaning in the doorway.

“If by sulking you mean have I finished the latest translations for SG-12, then yes, I'm done sulking,” Daniel snapped, stacking the folders together. “Do you want to make sure I deliver them or is there another point to this visit?”

“Oh, come on, Daniel,” Jack said, leaving the doorway and coming into the room. “Are you still mad at me? For what? That comment on the phone? Don't you think you're being a bit ridiculous about it?”

Daniel looked at him. He knew what was really behind his anger at Jack now. It had been galling, that revelation, but he knew what it was. He was jealous. He knew, without a doubt, how Sam felt about Jack. And there he was, on the outside, loving her so much and seeing her love, her beautiful heart, wasted on Jack O'Neill, who had grown progressively more childish and seemingly idiotic as time went on. Jack was a good friend, had been for years, but to see Sam throwing her life away on Jack, a man who didn't love her the way that she should be loved, who didn't even try to be worthy of the gift that she gave him... So, now he understood it, and now he had even more trouble containing that anger.

He needed more time away, not just from the SGC, not just from Jack, but also from Sam. If there was a way that he could just... get over her, then he would. He wouldn't make that happen, and he'd spent years trying. It was just that week, that nearly perfect week, where they had been together, just them, that had ruined everything. He couldn't keep it all buried anymore. It was all on the surface, bubbling ready to boil over, and he had to find a way to “cool” them down again. That was why the trip to Chicago was so important. Necessary.

“It's not that, Jack. I'm just... Look, I need to take that trip to Chicago. I need to take the time to mourn Sarah properly. The closure, I need the closure. Until I take that trip, I'll probably be a bit... testy,” Daniel told him honestly. He figured that Jack deserved fair warning. He doubted that his friend would take it for what it was, but he had to try anyway.

“Danny,” Jack chided. “You know, if you really need to do that so badly, you could just—“

“I'm going in three days, Jack. It's soon enough. I would have gone earlier, but I knew that we needed these translations first. For the cube. We need that device to use against the super soldiers. That is more important than my mood.”

“You know, you've got one hell of a martyr complex,” Jack muttered. “Fine, be that way if you want. I'll go bother Teal'c. I'm due a good beating.”

Daniel watched him leave, not saying just how much he agreed with that statement. He closed his eyes and hated himself for the thought.

She was alone with her father again, and she wanted to ask. It shouldn't be such a bad thing, asking. But she was still afraid of it. She knew that was silly, foolish even, but this was such a weird subject and a weird time. She was still off-center because of her brother's words, and now her father was adding to it. She needed to know.

Her father, meanwhile, seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown. “Where's the matrix crystal?”

Sam sighed and decided that it was best just to keep working on the device. After it was finished, she could talk to her father again, and he would be a lot calmer. “Next to the primaries.”

Angry, he stomped around the room, pulling at things, looking but not looking for what he was missing. He was being a big child, actually. Sam couldn't help wondering what Selmak thought of that. “I can't find anything in here. I had a system back at the old Alpha site. “

They'd been over this before. She didn't know why he was arguing it again. “The location of the old Alpha site was compromised when Anubis used his mind probe on Jonas. You didn't really want to hang around there, did you?”

I just want to be able to work as efficiently as possible. Anubis' drones are kicking the crap out of the System Lords and we're next. This prototype should have been done weeks ago,” Jacob insisted. He was really agitated, and he hadn't been this way yesterday. Something was eating at him.

“It's done,” she said, shrugging a little. “It's just not finished.”

“Interesting distinction,” he said, his voice full of sarcasm.

How quickly their roles had reversed. Yesterday, he had been reassuring her, and now she was playing that role. She would just have to keep trying. “We only got Telchak's device a month ago. I'm surprised we were able to come up with something so quickly.”

“In its current configuration, the weapon is only seventy percent effective at countering the reanimation technology,” her father snapped.

“The power unit you were using hasn't been properly calibrated, this one will be better.”

“Maybe.”

It was time to figure out what was bothering him. She would try teasing it out of him. That was better than asking directly. “Have you not had your coffee this morning?”

“Selmak doesn't like coffee,” Jacob explained.

That surprised her, in more than one way. She frowned. “You gave up coffee for your symbiote? I didn't know that.”

“We never talk anymore, Sam,” Jacob reminded her sadly. She tried to protest, but before she could, the door burst open and a soldier came in.

“We're under attack.”

Jacob was nearly unconscious, just barely with them, when the rest of SG-1 found him. They freed him from where he’d been trapped, and he told them where to find Sam. Daniel knew that Jack and Teal’c would be the most capable of finding Sam and defending her against the super soldier, but he couldn't help the wave of disappointment that washed over him as they told him to stay. Daniel wanted to help her as much as Jack and Teal’c, probably more, actually. Teal'c, Daniel knew, just saw her as a good friend, and Jack supposedly loved her, but Daniel... He was hopelessly in love with her. And she was out there, wounded and running and probably scared. He had as much of a right to be on the rescue team as anyone.

He tried to mask his disappointment, burying it quickly and pretending it was over. He knew that the others would be here soon, and they would get Jacob back to the gate. Daniel would see to it that Jacob got the best medical attention possible under the circumstances. He did it for Sam, and for Jacob, because he had always admired the other man. In many ways, Jacob Carter was the father that Daniel had wanted to have. He had loved his own father, but he would hope that if his father had lived, they would have the same relationship that Sam had with Jacob, that he, to a lesser degree, had with Jacob.

“They’ll find Sam,” Jacob told Daniel confidently.

Daniel looked at Jacob, smiled slightly, and said, “I hope so.”

Jacob frowned when he heard Daniel’s doubt. He supposed that Jacob was the one less likely to hope, but he had lost the earlier confidence from his promise to Jacob, if it had even existed in the first place. He was the man who had been convinced that he would get his wife back up until her death, but he couldn’t believe that Sam would be found alive.

What did that say about him? Daniel wondered. What did that make him?

Daniel focused his attention on Jacob’s wounds and made an effort at an almost cheerful conversation to distract the older man. It wasn't hard to remember the other times that he'd done this, caring for Jacob while he was injured. The first time had been after the Reetu infiltrated the SGC. Daniel hadn't been the one to take care of him, not like this, but he had stopped by to check on him while he recovered. He remembered risking his life along with the rest of SG-1 and Martouf/Lantash to rescue Jacob from Netu. He'd stayed with and also cared for Jacob when Apophis took Sam. He’d helped him after they crashed trying to reach the Tok’ra base and rescue Sam, Jack, and Teal’c.

This should be easy, then, taking care of Jacob again. Routine. But when he looked down at the wounded man, and Jacob grasped his hand, he was thrown for another loop. “Thank you, Daniel. I've always considered you like a son.”

Her nightmare had become her reality. She knew that now. Dry leaves and underbrush crumpled under her hands and knees. She forced herself back onto her feet. She had to move, had to run. She couldn’t stay here. Oh, she wanted to, wanted to just give in and rest, even if closing her eyes this time would mean never opening them again. It was behind her, that terrible dark shadow—now it made sense, it was a kull warrior, a drone—she was on the run from it. It had taken her away from everyone she loved and cared about. Everyone was dead; somehow she knew that, even if she had not seen them die.

She knew that wasn't entirely true. The rest of SG-1 were safely at the SGC. That meant that the colonel, Teal'c, and Daniel were safe. Mark was back on Earth. They were fine. Everyone she cared about was not lost. She didn't know what had happened to her father. That scared her. The rest of the base... They were likely dead. The self-destruct had gone off; she remembered that. Maybe some of them had escaped through the gate, and she hoped that they had. She'd been on the run, with her father, but there had been an attack, and they had been separated.

She was alone.

She didn’t know how long she had been running. It felt like days, but it could have been only hours. Her legs and chest were on fire. Everything ached. A cut ran the length of her thigh making it difficult to run, and she’d hit her head hard enough for a concussion. The dizziness and loss of blood were making her sick. She could hardly see.

She was surrounded by trees, a whole forest. She didn’t know where the gate was, or if she could get back to it. She could be anywhere; her sense of direction skewed by the wounds that she'd suffered. Her pursuer was not far behind her. She could hear him in the underbrush. He would not stop until he found her. He was, to her mind, evil, unstoppable, bent on her destruction.

She didn’t believe in demons. But these things, they could be demons. It was evil. She believed in evil. Its mission was her death. It would not stop until it achieved that goal. She remembered bits and pieces of her dreams, and her own thoughts gave her chills.

She tried to think. It was so hard. She was running so fast and in so much pain. But her pursuer had a weakness. She had the prototype, but she didn't have a weapon with which to use it. She needed one.

She couldn’t get a hold of a zat or energy staff; not here in the middle of the forest. It was hunting her with a single-mindedness that could be its undoing. That was what she had to concentrate on, a way to use that against it. She had to find a way.

If there was someone else here, anyone else, they could create a diversion, split the trail, confuse the hunter. But she was alone. She was completely alone, except for the thing chasing her. It was still out there somewhere, coming, always coming.

And she could not stop it.

Daniel went down to the infirmary, unable to stop himself. He really had become rather masochistic lately. He had wanted to be a part of the search, and they'd denied him that. He had stayed with Jacob instead and had done his best, but it wasn't enough. Sam was out there, and there was nothing he could do to help her. Nothing.

“So, how's the leg?” he asked, wishing that there was something else that he could do. Janet and her team had done what they could for Jacob, and his symbiote was doing the rest. That left Daniel to feel useless all over again.

“It's getting there, slowly but surely,” Jacob told him. He looked up at Daniel, a brief smile crossing his face. Daniel decided not to mention the comment Jacob had made just before he lost consciousness.

“Oh, yeah, slowly,” Daniel scoffed good-naturedly. “The way you heal it'll probably take a day.”

Jacob shook his head, not joining in on the joke. “You didn't come here to ask me about my leg, you want to know what happened to Sam.”

For a moment, watching the other man in the bed, Daniel wondered just how much he knew. Could he...? Did he know how Daniel felt about Sam? “Yeah.”

“The base was under attack. We could hear the explosions getting closer and the sound of scout ships approaching,” Jacob began. “The lieutenant was trying to rush us out of there, but Sam was insistent on staying. She had to destroy the data on the device. We couldn't let it get into Anubis' hands. It took longer than we hoped to get the data onto the matrix. The drones arrived, and I was forced to use the prototype, the one I gave Jack. It took two shots to kill him. After that, we ran. The stargate was hit. We couldn't get out. So, we ran for the hills. The drone followed us. If Sam is still alive, it's still after her.”

Daniel didn't want to hear that. He really didn't. “She could just be hiding, waiting for a chance to go back through the gate.”

Jacob shook his head wearily. “Out of all the rooms on the base, why did it come to that lab? Why did it chase us as opposed to anyone else?”

Daniel felt sick; his stomach full of dread. Jacob was right. It was rather obvious, now. And that just made it worse. “You think it knew about the prototype?”

“I think that was the whole reason for the attack. Somehow Anubis knows that we may have the only weapon in the galaxy capable of stopping his soldiers,” Jacob admitted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, that of a worried father trying not to focus on his missing child.

“And Sam has the design,” Daniel whispered, his fear for her safety tripling. He didn't know what to do. It was one thing to know that this warrior would keep hunting her, but it didn't bring her back. It didn't make her safe. She was still out there. Still lost.

“That thing won't stop until it finds her.”

The UAV was her salvation. She was weak, tired, and at her wit's end, but salvation was there in the form of a downed UAV. She waited for the drone to leave and then she set to work, taking the UAV apart and reassembling it into a weapon that she could use to fire at her pursuer. Oh, it was dangerous to be with hope after all this. She didn't really want it. She wanted to give up, give in.

She steadied her makeshift weapon just as the drone came into view. She ducked down, but the drone had seen her or maybe the UAV, and it started shooting. She set off the missile. It hit him, and she sighed when it exploded.

Exhausted, Sam sat on the bank. She was so glad that it was over, so very glad. But then she heard something, and turned with horror to see the soldier's hand coming up through the dirt. She heard weapons fire and looked up to see Teal'c and the colonel shooting at the drone. She ducked behind the nearest rock, and suddenly the colonel was there with her.

“Carter, I need the—“ She gave him the weapon and he thanked her just before he fired at the super soldier. Two shots and it went down. She stared at it. “Cover it.”

She sat down weakly. “Is it...?”

The colonel looked over at Teal'c. “Yeah, he's dead... Right, Teal'c, he's dead? Yeah, he's dead. You want to get up?”

She shook her head. “I just need to rest for a minute.”

She was aware of him looking at her, and she knew she had to look like some kind of disaster. But it's over; it was finally over, and she could breathe again. She could close her eyes without fear. She was safe. But... Wait, where was her father? Where was Daniel? She heard the colonel say something and put his arm around her. She melted into him, her head resting on his shoulder. She was so weak, so very weak. She shouldn't be doing this. And it shouldn't feel like a betrayal.

Daniel couldn't believe what he was witnessing. He knew, in part, what it was: a room full of grown children. But he couldn't believe that he was hearing this kind of bickering when so much was at stake. It was so much bigger than all of them. He knew that, and he didn't know why they couldn't see it. They kept arguing... And Daniel couldn't believe what they were throwing away. It was too much, it was too...

Sam was out there. She had risked her life, for all of them, and they were throwing it away. Delek had started it all by saying that the Tok'ra were leaving the Beta site, and it would only get worse. He had to try and stop this.

“Is that really necessary?” Daniel asked, begging them to see reason.

“If this partnership were to continue, you would insist on full disclosure of all our covert operations, would you not?” Delek asked, turning to General Hammond.

“I'm afraid that's non-negotiable,” Hammond answered.

“In that case we must refuse. Secrecy is our only weapon,” Delek responded. It was hard not to get annoyed by the superior attitude of the Tok'ra. “It's all we've ever known.”

“The Jaffa too will be leaving,” M'Zel said, stunning the room. No, no, this couldn't be. And even as the Jaffa explained it, Daniel felt like he was in the middle of the room screaming, and no one was listening.
“We are not leaving because of the Tok'ra. We are leaving because it is what we must do. On your base, you dictate the terms. We must consult you before we take any action. There are those among us who feel we simply traded one master for another.”

“We're not trying to tell you what to do. We simply think it's important to coordinate our efforts,” Hammond protested.

“Unlike the Tauri or the Tok'ra, the Jaffa are still learning what it means to be free. In order to do this, we must have our own bases. Train our own leaders, build our own communities. We must do this for ourselves, or it would have no meaning. Only then can we be equal partners in any alliance,” M'Zel went on, and Daniel understood his reasons. He did. But this wasn't right! They couldn't do this, not now. Not after all that Sam had done for them.

“I'm sorry, this is nuts!” Daniel's temper got the better of him at last. “My friend almost died out there so that we could get a weapon capable of stopping Anubis' soldiers. And now we're finally in a position where we can really make a difference, and you want to walk away?”

“I'm sorry, Doctor Jackson,” the Tok'ra said softly. Daniel shook his head. 'Sorry' wasn't enough. It was never enough. 'Sorry' didn't change what they were doing, didn't make this any better. They were sacrificing the galaxy for their pride, and 'sorry' did not excuse it.

“This is how it must be,” the Jaffa leader added, and Daniel raged silently. This was not how it had to be. It was not how it should be.

Sam woke slowly, aware of aches in places that she didn't remember having. She'd used so many muscles that didn't usually get a workout when she ran from that drone. She closed her eyes again, turning over in the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot. She didn't find one and settled back on her back as her father came into the room, all the way over to the bed. He looked down at his daughter and smiled. “Howdy, kid. You were asleep for a long time. You gave me quite a scare.”

Sam looked at him. She didn't know why she felt the need to make this better. It wasn't like this was her fault, and yet she felt like it was. “I'm sorry.”

“Jack told me what happened. I'm proud of you,” her father told her, and she knew that he always was. He always would be. “Look, Sam, I may not be able to come around as much for the next little while.”

She stared at him in confusion, feeling a little frightened. She didn't want her father to leave her. “What do you mean?”

Jacob sighed. “Things kind of got screwed up while you were out there. The alliance is in trouble.”

“I don't understand.”

“You don't need to know the details right now. Let's just say we're going our separate ways for a while. If I stay with the Tok’ra, I can at least try to mend some fences.” He said it like he hoped this would be enough to satisfy her, and she knew that it wasn't. Not now. Her head was full of so many things: Pete's death, her time with Daniel, the funeral, Mark's words, her dad's words, and running from the drone.

“You sure?”

“I'm not ready to give up on this just yet,” Jacob said. The alliance had to be restored. He kissed her. “Don't worry, I'll be back eventually.”

“I'll miss you.”

“I'll miss you, too. Bye.”

“Dad,” Sam began. She hated being so weak, giving it all away with the look in her eyes. She was a grown up woman with an amazing career in the Air Force, but she’d been through hell, and she knew that her eyes pleaded like a child’s. Daddy, don’t leave me.

A career in the military had trained Jacob to put the needs of his country above those of his own and his family, and Sam was used to that by now. She knew what his decision would be long before she asked. He had to think, not just about a country, but a world, even a galaxy. Maybe, for just a moment, his daughter’s comfort was a greater concern. But in the end, it was the same. He had to do what was right. And what was right wasn't staying here. She wasn't alone. She could take care of herself. He sighed and walked out of the room.

She didn't want to be alone. She was so miserable, feeling low and pathetic, and that was when the knock came on the doorway. Sam’s face lit up when she saw Daniel, and he looked at her with such a smile that it stabbed at her heart again. Was Mark wrong? Was she wrong to think of Mark's words now? To wonder if there was more there? More in his look than she had thought before?

“Daniel,” she said with a smile, reaching out a hand to him. He took it and wrapped it in both of his.

“How are you, Sam? I'm sorry I haven't been able to come sooner, but this mess with the alliance, everything coming apart like this,” Daniel shrugged helplessly. She sighed. Poor Daniel. He probably though that this was all his fault, that he should have done more. And he would probably want to cancel his trip now, too. She wasn't going to let that happen.

“You're still going to Chicago, aren't you?”

“Sam, I don't want to leave with all that's happened—“

“No, that's exactly why you should go,” she insisted. “Daniel, this hasn't been an easy time for you and you need to take time to give yourself closure. And this latest upset... Well, maybe it will cool down, and things will get better. It just needs time. So, give it time. As for me...”

He looked at her. She couldn't believe how scared she was to ask this. “I'm officially on medical leave. Can't go through the gate. Supposed to be resting. But I was thinking... Can I come with you, Daniel? Please?”

“Sam, I...” He looked down, away from her, and she thought he was going to say no. He looked up at her again. “If... If you're cleared medically, then, yes, you can come. I want you to come.”

She smiled at him, and he was smiling at her, but she couldn't help feeling that he was lying to her.