Chapter 8

Daniel snorted as the alarm next to his bed rudely sounded in his ear. He swung an arm over the side of the bed and nearly pummeled his clock radio to death. After a bit of effort, he finally sat up, stretched his arms and slowly rose from the bed. He yawned loudly. There was no doubt about it – he was going to need some industrial strength coffee this morning. He hadn’t slept much last night, but it wasn’t due to grading exams like he’d told Sam. Rather, it was due to the fact that he spent most of the night agonizing over the current situation regarding her, Joe, and their own relationship.

Daniel blushed faintly as the word relationship penetrated his mind. Of course, he’d meant relationship in the general sense, meaning how they seemed to get along. Maybe friendship would have been a more appropriate word. Was it really appropriate to feel so strongly about her after they’d been friends for just over two weeks? Half of him believed that it was not, that perhaps he was going too fast and should back off until they’d known each other for a longer period of time. The other half believed that it was appropriate, and that the amount of time they’d been friends didn’t make any difference.

The half that believed it was appropriate was winning out, and Daniel felt as if he’d been hit by a ton of bricks as he remembered his short conversation with Sam last night. He couldn’t help thinking about how disappointed he felt when she told him that Joe wanted to take her out – and even more disappointed when she decided she would accept. Why should he feel this way? She was his friend, and he should be happy for her.

Right?

He tried to put these thoughts aside as he quickly showered, shaved, and blew his hair dry. As he combed it, he snorted, as it seemed to have a slight kink in it, causing it to slightly flip up and out about an inch below his left ear. He was clearly due for a little trim soon. In the meantime, he combed it the best he could, then slipped on a checkered blue shirt and a blue blazer.

He was about to leave and head for the coffee shop when he got outside his apartment and realized he’d left his briefcase behind. He sighed angrily as he unlocked the door and rushed back inside to reclaim it. His thoughts of Sam were weighing heavily on him, making him forget simple things and making him more careless than usual in the process.

He quickly checked his watch. 8:55. Damn, he was running later than usual, not only due to the fact that he was exhausted and found it hard to get himself going, but also because of his agonizing thoughts over the present situation. He drove as fast as he could down to the Java House without being in grave danger of earning a speeding ticket. Glad that the weather was holding up at least, he parked his car in the lot behind the coffee shop and made his way around to the entrance. As he made his way up to the door, he saw a familiar looking car parked next to the curb. Before entering, he put his hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn.

Oh, yes, he was really going to need some heavy-duty caffeine.

***************************************************

Sam opened up her medicine cabinet and popped an aspirin. She hadn’t gotten much sleep either, her thoughts of her conversation with Joe – as well as her conversation with Daniel – eating away at her subconscious. They had kept her awake nearly the whole night, and earned her one hell of a headache. She half-heartedly hopped into the shower, hoping that the hot, streaming liquid massaging her temples and her neck, would offer some relief. It failed to do the trick.

As she dried off, dressed and put her makeup on, her thoughts kept flashing back to Daniel and the all-too-short conversation she’d had with him the night before. She recalled how his tone seemed to change drastically after she mentioned she was giving Joe a chance and going out with him. She had wondered if he had experienced some jealousy, and the more she thought about it, the more she thought it was possible. She wondered how much of his demeanor reflected jealousy, and how much of it reflected concern for her. At the moment, it sounded more like jealousy. It had begun to make her experience a twinge of guilt, and question once again whether she really was doing the right thing.

She put these thoughts on hold as she glanced up at the clock and realized it was ten minutes to 9. She gave herself another once over in the mirror, brushing her hair into place. She grabbed her briefcase and exited the house, making a fast beeline for her car. She couldn’t remember the last time she was running so late.

As she made the drive to the Java House, she couldn’t stop thinking about Daniel and the way he sounded last night. She was almost afraid to face him, especially of how he’d act or what he would say to her. She became so lost in her thoughts that she almost ran a red light. She stopped short, the front of her car sitting just over the line. She sighed heavily, a bit shaken by what had just happened. She realized how ridiculous she was acting, and that it was no big deal. This is Daniel we’re talking about, she thought to herself. I should have no reason to be afraid of him.

Her luck seemed to be holding out as she spotted a parking space right in front of the coffee shop.

********************************************************

Sam stirred her coffee half-heartedly as she waited for Daniel to arrive. She was taking it black today, so the stirring was done only out of nervousness. She knew that black coffee (let alone any coffee) probably wasn’t a good idea due to the headache that still plagued her, but she didn’t care. Right now, the fatigue was stronger than the headache, and she needed to be alert for the 8-hour day.

She slowly dropped the spoon as she spotted Daniel collecting his cup of coffee from the barista as well as some napkins. She felt a pang of guilt hit her as she took in his appearance. He looked very tired, even a bit unhappy – evident from the frown plastered on his face. As he approached her table, he tried to hide his feelings with a forced smile, but he wasn’t fooling her at all.

As he took the seat across from her and tore the tab off of the lid on top of his coffee cup, she realized he was taking his coffee black as well. He took a quick swig and sighed as he placed it back down on the tabletop. He noticed she was staring at him uneasily, and he forced another smile.

“So …” he started with a mock eager tone.

Sam eyed him seriously for a moment. She knew what he was pulling, and knew how he really felt. He may have put on a happy face just for her as he approached, and tried to act as if nothing happened, but that first expression of his, coupled with the black coffee, revealed his true self.

“You’re going out with Joe on Friday night, huh? That should be fun,” he said unconvincingly, his flippant tone barely complimenting the fake smile plastered on his face.

Sam’s looked at him incredulously as her brow knitted in confusion. She began to wonder if Daniel had doped himself up. He was hardly acting like himself at all.

Daniel’s smile faded as he noticed she wasn’t buying this. He realized how ridiculous he was acting. If he was worried about jeopardizing their friendship, this act would get him there one step closer. He sighed deeply and his eyes turned apologetic.

“Look, I’m sorry I snapped at you like that last night. I just had a lot on my mind.”

Sam looked at him seriously. “Like what?” she asked in a small voice.

He raked a hand through his hair and swept it back from his face.

“I don’t know. I … I’m just worried that you’re not doing the right thing,” he said uneasily. “I don’t know how to explain it, but …”

She looked at him expectantly, half-thinking that she wasn’t going to be happy with what he’d say next.

“Sam, are you sure you want to do this?” he blurted out, his blue eyes tinged with worry.

For a moment, her eyes met his and she looked like a lost little girl, rather than the usually more confident nearly-35-year-old woman he was used to seeing. He could see the multitude of uncertainties and hidden fears lurking behind her serious blue-gray eyes and the deep frown on her face. He quickly glanced down at her hands and realized that they were shaking a bit.

She could have looked him squarely in the eyes and told him, in an agitated voice, that she was unsure about what she was doing. Her eyes could have clouded over as they filled with tears. Her voice could have wavered as she admitted to him that she made a gross oversight of judgment. He could have held her hands in his own to stop them from trembling. He could have pulled her close to him and held her. He could have kissed away her tears until she learned that there was no reason to shed them any longer.

They both could have done all these things. But, they didn’t.

Her eyes became hardened. Her expression remained unchanged. Her hands stopped shaking and curled up into small fists. She appeared as if she was trying to keep some overwhelming emotion inside. Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to make a scene. Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to break down in front of Daniel, that she wanted to maintain some dignity in front of him.

Or perhaps it was because she made up her mind and was not happy that Daniel was trying to change it.

“Daniel,” she began tentatively.

He looked at her curiously.

“Daniel,” she repeated sharply, her tone suddenly changing.

Daniel’s brow wrinkled slightly in confusion.

“Please don’t do this.”

It was more of a statement than a plea.

“What?” he asked in an eerily quiet voice.

“I have a feeling that no matter what I say, it won’t make a difference, so I doubt you’ll understand this,” she replied, the burden evident in her voice.

“Understand what?” he prodded.

She looked at him for a mere ten seconds before continuing.

“I have to take this chance.”

Daniel felt something that was a cross between a pang of disappointment and a twinge of jealousy. Suddenly, he took a keen interest in his coffee cup and averted his eyes.

Sam noticed how uncomfortable he seemed, but she continued.

“You know how unlucky in love I am. I told you myself when we met for lunch that day. When an opportunity comes along, I have to seize it. If it means I finally have a chance at love and happiness, I can’t let it pass me by,” she said, emotionless.

“I just …” Daniel blurted out. He stopped himself and tried to compose his thoughts properly. His emotions were starting to become overwhelming, and he was trying to rein them in.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” he said solemnly as he looked straight into her eyes.

“See me get hurt?” she replied almost incredulously. “You actually think I would get hurt?”

She began nervously stirring at her coffee again, and the annoying scraping of plastic against Styrofoam began to aggravate Daniel.

“Would you please cut that out?!” he suddenly exclaimed. He didn’t quite shout, but he had raised his voice quite a bit and it surprised Sam. Her eyes widened.

“You don’t need to stir the coffee when it’s black, Sam,” he continued, gritting his teeth in frustration. He sighed angrily and touched his right temple.

“What’s wrong with you?” Sam asked after a beat. Her voice contained a touch of vehemence that surprised even herself. She didn’t plan on sounding this angry, but she was completely taken aback by his behavior.

Daniel sharply looked up from his cup of coffee, his eyes aglow with a mixture of anger and disbelief. “What’s wrong with me?? What’s wrong with you??” he challenged. “You have such profound reservations about this guy after he calls you at 1 AM, acts way too suspicious, and seems in a real hurry to get to meet you. Now you’ve gone to the other extreme and it’s like you can’t wait to meet him. It’s as if you’ve forgiven him for all that, or simply chosen to overlook it.”

Sam’s eyes widened and she frowned as she took in Daniel’s diatribe. He was far from finished, though.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Here I thought you had good judgment, but you’re starting to prove me wrong.”

Sam’s expression hardened and her eyes narrowed slightly. “Excuse me, Daniel, but who the hell are you to say that I don’t have good judgment?” she said, quiet but forceful.

A small sense of dread filled Daniel as he realized that he probably said too much. He bit it back when he decided that it was something that had to be said. Damn it, he cared for Sam too much to keep it bottled up. He had to let her know.

“Who am I?” he shot back, uttering a short, derisive laugh. “Well, up until now I thought I was your friend, trying to offer you advice. You told me you appreciated my advice when we were talking the other –“

“Well, I don’t appreciate it now!” Sam suddenly shouted. She banged her fist down on the tabletop. Daniel’s eyes widened and he flinched slightly.

She stared at him, open-mouthed and panting, her face a brilliant shade of red. For a moment she studied Daniel’s face. She knew there were dozens of pairs of eyes on her from all over the coffee shop, but all she could see now was Daniel. She could see surprise reflected in his eyes, but the anger had drained away and was replaced by hurt.

She then realized what he was trying to do all along. He was showing how he cared for her. As her friend, he was truly concerned about her welfare and didn’t want to see her get involved in a bad relationship. She uttered a soft groan, leaned her elbows on the tabletop and put her hands to her forehead.

Any anger Daniel had leftover from witnessing Sam’s behavior had now evaporated. He looked at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She was blushing furiously, and a hundred different emotions seemed to dance across her face, but embarrassment, frustration, and sorrow were the strongest. He witnessed her lip start to tremble for a few moments before it passed. She looked like she wanted to run away and hide. Daniel waited patiently for her emotions to subside enough so that she could face him.

Finally, she cast a wary glance at him, her big, blue-gray eyes cloudy as tears threatened to fall. Once she caught the sad, sympathetic look reflected in his clear blue eyes, she suddenly directed her eyes back downward, as if she couldn’t bear to look at them.

“Sam, please look at me,” Daniel pleaded softly.

She slowly raised her head and looked back up at him. She bit her lip to prevent her tears from falling.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, Daniel,” she finally said, her voice slightly above a whisper.

Daniel’s lips twitched slightly upward. “I know, Sam. I know,” he said simply.

Sam opened her mouth as if she was about to say something more, but Daniel interrupted her.

“You want to do this because you’re afraid you’ll never have another chance at love, I know. But, you’re wearing blinders, Sam. Just because you’re no longer with that dating service, it doesn’t mean that you won’t find love. For all you know, it could have been right under your nose all this time, but you were too blind to see it.”

Sam stared at Daniel and noticed he was blushing faintly. She wondered what he meant by saying that it could have been right under her nose all this time. Was he talking about himself? She wanted to consider it, but she just couldn’t do so at the time. She suddenly glanced at her watch and realized that she had to get to her office and prepare for her lecture.

“Maybe you’re right, Daniel,” she said, not bothering to look at him. “But, I can’t back out of it. And I can’t think too much about this now. I have to prepare my lecture for this afternoon.”

She glanced at Daniel briefly and noticed the slightly incredulous look he was giving her. He finally averted his eyes and nodded. She began to feel bad and blurted out, “I’ll … I’ll see you.”

She made her way toward the door when Daniel suddenly stood up.

“Sam …” he said tentatively.

She turned back and looked at him curiously.

“I hope he treats you well.”

Sam continued to look at him and emotion passed briefly across her face before she turned and made her way out of the coffee shop.

****************************************************

Daniel sighed heavily as he watched Sam leave and head toward her car. He sat back down and drank his coffee glumly. He couldn’t believe that he’d just let her walk away. She’d just up and left, and didn’t say anything about calling or seeing him again. Well, to be honest, she said she’d “see” him, but she didn’t say when specifically. She might as well have just walked out of his life.

Somewhere deep within him was a little voice that started chastising him for being selfish. True, she was his friend, but the two of them weren’t romantically involved at all, and he had no right to try to lay claim to her.

I’m not laying claim to her; I care about her, he admonished his inner voice. She was really taking chances with this guy, and he had failed in trying to stop her. He couldn’t believe that she had been so unsure about him in the beginning, and had suddenly, without any explanation apart from “I want to give him a chance,” decided that she’d go out with him.

He shook his head sadly. Why was he worrying so much? Quite possibly she’d find out that she didn’t like him, and she’d made a mistake all along and decide not to see him anymore.

Or, he might sweep her off her feet and be a genuinely caring guy who can fulfill all her needs.

I hope he treats you well, Sam … as well as I would have.

He took one last sip of coffee before rising from the table, depositing it in the trash and making his way outside.

**********************************************************

The next two days came and went like brief blips on a radar screen. Sam didn’t find herself terribly busy, apart from the usual preparations for lectures and labs, staff meetings, office hours, and meetings with grad students who had her on their advisory committees. She hadn’t seen Daniel since Wednesday morning, the day when they had their little, for lack of a better word, scuffle. She avoided the Java House, suddenly finding it more convenient to partake of the coffee in the faculty lounge down the hall. She didn’t stop to think for a moment that she might have been consciously trying to avoid Daniel.

Well, maybe she did, every now and then. At odd times she’d be sitting at her desk, staring into space and replaying the events in her mind. She wondered if she should entertain the possibility that Daniel had been referring to himself when he said that the love she was searching for might have been right under her nose. Whenever she thought she was getting too bogged down in it, she’d try to shake it from her mind and force herself to move on.

Ever since that fateful day, there had been a slight change in her disposition. If you’d said anything to her on the subject, she would have denied it to the death. But the change was obvious and everyone, from her fellow faculty members to her students, to even Phil, the friendly old janitor, had noticed it. They all figured something was up in her personal life, but they didn’t dare question her about it. They quietly observed it and went about their business, treating her as they’d always done so.

By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, she was nearly a different person. She was undoubtedly preoccupied, but at the same time, she had a false air of cheerfulness about her. Everyone who encountered her saw right through it. They wondered if she had just had a bad relationship, or perhaps experienced the death of a close family member. The calm, sunny façade wasn’t fooling anyone, including herself.

She left the university early that afternoon and was home by 4 PM. The only thing on her mind at the moment was her impending date with Joe. She really did want to give him a chance, and really wanted it to work out between them. A tiny voice inside of her would remind her not to get her hopes up, or she’d be setting herself up for a big letdown. She tried in earnest to silence it, and for the time being, it seemed to work.

She was just about to jump in the shower when the phone rang. Sam swore under her breath and threw her bathrobe on as she made her way to the phone.

“Hello,” she said, annoyed.

“Hey Sam, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

She sighed as she recognized Sara’s voice.

“Hey, sorry about that, I’ve just been really preoccupied the last few days,” she said regrettably.

“With what?” Sara asked curiously.

“I have a date tonight,” Sam blurted out as a wide grin spread across her face.

“No! Really?” Sara said excitedly.

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed.

“With John?” Sara asked.

“No … his name is Joe,” Sam said.

“Oh, that’s right. So, where are you going?”

“I’m meeting him at O’Malley’s at 6, and then he said we’d walk around afterwards,” Sam replied.

“Sounds good,” Sara said thoughtfully.

“Uh … yeah.”

“You don’t seem too thrilled,” Sara said suspiciously as she picked up on the rather glum tone of Sam’s voice.

“No, no, I am,” Sam insisted quietly. “I just … I’ve just had a lot on my mind the past few days.”

“Problems at work?” Sara offered.

“No,” Sam replied as she swallowed hard. “I … I had a fight with Daniel.” She felt a pang of guilt as she said those last words.

“What?” Sara asked after a beat.

“Well, not exactly a fight, more like a … an argument,” Sam clarified, pain becoming evident in her voice.

“Aw, gee, I’m sorry, Sam,” Sara said softly.

“He kept asking me if I was sure of what I was doing. It was as if he thought that dating Joe would be a mistake. He said that I had such reservations about him in the beginning, and now I’ve changed my tune and want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He actually began to question my judgment, Sara. Can you believe that?”

Sara paused. “Actually, I can.”

“You can?” Sam said incredulously.

“You know what this is starting to sound like? It sounds like he really likes you. Maybe he’s even a little jealous of this Joe.”

“I thought it could be jealousy, but do you know what else he said?”

Sara remained silent.

“He said he didn’t want to see me get hurt. His last words to me when I walked out of the coffee shop were, ‘I hope he treats you well.’”

“Oh, Sam, don’t you see? He really cares for you,” Sara said sadly.

“Don’t do this to me, Sara,” Sam said after a pause, her voice rising dangerously.

“Don’t do what?” the other woman asked curiously. “I’m just calling it as I see it. You’d have to be pretty blind not to realize that he really cares for you, Sam.”

“That’s what he said,” Sam replied, her voice trembling slightly.

“What?”

“Well, okay, he didn’t exactly come out and say that, but he said that I’m wearing blinders. He said that, just because I’m no longer with that dating service, it doesn’t mean I won’t find love. It might have been under my nose this whole time, but I was too blind to see it.” Sam ended with a sniffle in an effort to drive back the tears that threatened to surface.

“There you go. He meant himself, Sam. He loved you this whole time, and you failed to notice it. You were looking desperately for someone to love you, and you didn’t have to look at all.”

Sam paused thoughtfully and felt like kicking herself when she realized that Sara was absolutely right.

“Oh, God, I don’t need this right now,” she sniffled, trying to retain her composure.

“You know it’s true,” Sara prodded.

“I know, I know,” Sam wailed. “But I don’t know what I’m going to do about Joe. I can’t break my date with him, it’s too late.”

“Then don’t. Go out with him and have a good time,” Sara said.

“Really?”

“Sure. It’s only a date, Sam. It’s not like you’re going to marry him. You really should give him a chance.”

Sam’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“What about all those things you just said about Daniel?”

“What about them?” Sara laughed gently. “You can date two guys at the same time, Sam; you know that. All I’m saying is, give Joe a chance, but don’t forget about Daniel.”

“What if I end up really liking Joe?” Sam asked worriedly.

“Then it’s a decision you’ll have to make,” Sara said simply. “If it were me, though, I’d stick with Daniel. He really seems like a sweet guy. But, don’t let me make the decision for you.”

“You’re no help at all,” Sam said wryly.

Sara laughed good-naturedly. “Have a good time, Sam. Let me know how it goes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam replied, uttering a soft laugh. “Bye, Sara.”

Sam sighed deeply as she hung up the phone. She looked at her watch and realized it was a quarter to 5. She raced into the bathroom and took a quick shower. After drying off, she applied some light makeup and a touch of hairspray before making her way to her bedroom to pick out an outfit.

After her conversation with Sara, she decided she didn’t want to dress to impress all that much. Earlier in the week, she’d picked out a little black dress with a lacy red trim. She picked it up by the hanger, stared at it and realized it was a bit too revealing, especially as far as the neckline was concerned. She abruptly placed it back in her closet and searched for something more suitable. She finally decided on a black dress with a red floral print that ended just above her knees. It had a somewhat higher neckline, and she decided to wear a black cardigan with three-quarter sleeves over it. She slipped her feet into a pair of black, moderately high heeled-shoes, sprayed herself with some light, floral scented perfume and grabbed her small, black purse.

She looked herself over one more time in the full-length mirror on the back of her bedroom door. Once she was satisfied that she looked presentable, she headed out into the hallway and toward the front door. Before she exited the house, she looked down once more at her watch. It was twenty minutes to 6. She went over everything in her mind to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. She sighed as she found the picture of Joe sitting on her coffee table. She’d printed it out and decided she’d take it with her so she’d be able to recognize him if there was ever any doubt. She slipped it into her purse and finally made her way out to her car.

On the drive over to O’Malley’s, she kept playing out different scenarios in her mind, in the hopes that the evening would go well and that Joe would turn out to be a decent guy. Those thoughts were suddenly penetrated by a replay of her conversation with Sara. She began to feel a little guilty when she remembered what Sara had said about Daniel – that it seemed as if he really cared for her, and about what a wonderful guy he seemed to be.

She shrugged herself out of it as she found a parking spot close to O’Malley’s in the huge parking lot that dissected the somewhat large shopping complex. On the left of O’Malley’s was a bed and bath store, followed by an outlet store for women’s clothing, a large chain bookstore, a Chinese buffet, and a bowling alley. On the opposite side of the large parking lot were a sporting goods store, a shoe store, and a department store among others.

Sam looked around to get her bearings, should the evening end up disastrous. Her eyes widened upon that last thought, and she grinned and shook her head.

What the hell am I worried about? She said to herself as she made her way up to the entrance of the restaurant.


To Chapter 9

Back to Story Index