Title: True love
Summary: Daniel has to tell Sam how he feels.
Spoilers: all of season 8 (so far, up to “End Game”)
Category: hurt/comfort, 1st P.O.V. (Daniel)
Disclaimer: I do not own SG-1, even though I really wish I did. I’m just borrowing them for a little while, and I didn’t even borrow Jack and Teal’c, just Sam and Daniel. I don't have any money so if you sue me you aren't getting much of anything.
I can’t stop myself from thinking about her. Everything I see or do reminds me of her. Every time I see two people kissing and holding each other it makes me think of what it would feel like if she was kissing me, and how her lips would feel against mine. But now I will never know because she’s getting married, and it’s too late to tell her how much I love her; not that she could ever love me back. I’m just a little-brother, a best friend to her. I felt a tear fall as I continued to think about her.
Probably a good part of her love for him is the fact that he can protect her ,and she never has to protect him all the time like she does like me. But, God, do I love her, and I would give anything for her to be happy. And that’s why I don’t think I will ever tell her how I truly feel. I love to see her as happy as she is when she talks about him, and the way her face lights up when she see him. But it still hurts so much to know that it will never be me who is making her that happy.
And there she is, standing in my office doorway in her green cargo pants and black t-shirt. Her blue eyes looking down at me, her lips curved into a smile that was now fading as she looked at me.
She sounded like she had been distracted from the reason she had come into my office.
“Are you okay, Daniel?”
She was down at my side in seconds, and she was wiping one of my forgotten tears away.
“Daniel, please, what’s wrong?”
I wish I could tell her, but I can’t. I can’t hurt her like this. Come on, I have to get a grip on myself.
“I’m fine, Sam.”
“Daniel you’re crying. You’re not okay.”
“Sam, it’s nothing.”
She lifted my chin so I was looking into her beautiful blue eyes.
“Daniel Jackson, please. You’re my best friend. You don’t truly think I’m going to believe that you’re okay when I find you in your office crying?”
She has no idea how hard it is for me to lie to her.
“I’m okay, Sam, just some old scars resurfacing.”
She pulled me into a hug. God, her touch against my body feels so good, the warmth of her so close to me. We sat there, her arms around me for a while, but it wasn’t long enough for me.
“Daniel, you’ve been working yourself half to death again. When was the last time you went home?”
It took me a minute to think of what day it was.
“…about a week, but I’ve been sleeping in the VIP room when I really needed some sleep.”
She pushed away so that she could look me in the eyes.
“You’re going home right now, after I take you to eat some real food.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it as she suddenly pulled me out of my chair and towards my office door.
“Wait, Sam, I still have to change and stuff.”
“Well, grab your bag and go change in the locker room and I’ll go change in my office.”
I grabbed my bag then turned back to her.
“Sam, you don’t have to drive me home. I can get an airman to do it for me.”
“No. I want to make sure you’re okay, so you’re stuck with me, Daniel.” She smiled at me, her blue eyes shining.
“I think I can live with that.” I smiled back at her.
After I had showered, shaved, and changed, I found Sam standing outside of the locker room. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a light pink t-shirt. God, she was even more beautiful in her casual clothes.
“It took you long enough.”
She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the elevator, and out of the SGC. Then she almost threw me into the passenger side of her car and we were driving away from the SGC.
“What’s the rush?” I asked as I finally got my seat belt on.
“I just felt that the faster I got you out of there, the sooner I could get you to talk.”
I let out a yawn, and she looked over at me and smiled. Then she pulled over to the side of the road, took out her cell phone and dialed a number with the single push of one button.
“Hey Pete, um… I won’t be home until late tonight, okay? Yeah, I love you too. Bye.” She hung up the phone and pulled back out onto the road.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Sam. Please, I don’t want to be in the way. Really, you can just drop me off and go home."
She looked over at me with a sympathetic smile.
“Daniel, it’s fine, okay? Pete and I didn’t have any plans so it’s no big deal.”
She smiled at me, then turned her attention back to the road.
“So what are you hungry for, and if you say coffee I will kill you myself.”
She laughed, and I had to smile myself because coffee did sound good, but I guess to me it always does.
“Okay, then I think Italian sounds nice, but so does French.”
“Ummm… that’s exactly what I’m in the mood for, too. Sounds good, Daniel. You’re such a genius.”
She smiled at me.
“I’m far from a genius, Sam.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
I didn’t say anything in response. I just sat there and watched her as she drove, the sun on her face and her blond hair shining.
“So, what’s been bugging you the last few days, Daniel?”
I was praying to all of the gods that she wasn’t going to ask because I still don’t have much of a lie to tell her yet.
“I don’t know. Like I said earlier, it’s just some old memories and stuff.”
Why do I have this killer feeling that she’s going to see through my lie and then find a way to make me tell her what’s really bugging me? And I can’t tell her why. Not yet …well, really not ever.
“I’m sorry if it feels like I’m forcing you to talk. I’m just worried about you and since you haven’t been talking to me I’m even more worried. And if it really was just old things I would think that you would talk to me like you have done over the last 7 years we’ve known each other.”
God, she’s making this so hard.
“Well, okay, what if this thing that's bugging me … I can’t tell you?”
Oh, that’s a great lie, because it’s not even a lie.
“Daniel, what is it?”
She pulled in to the driveway of a small French restaurant.
“I don’t know if I can say it, Samantha.”
I was working on keeping from choking and crying at the same time. I can‘t do this. And with that, I opened the door of the car. I got out and started to walk, not in the direction of the restaurant but down the street in a lost, confused blur.
I hear he call after me and I know she would be at my side soon, and I was doing it again. I was going to hurt her and push her away. She’s going to hate me as much as I hate myself. Why do I have to love her? Why can’t I just stop?
She grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop.
“Daniel, you can tell me anything.”
“Okay, here it goes. I love you, Samantha Carter. I have for so long, and I can’t stop myself. I’ve tried not to, but I can’t. I will always love you, and nothing you or I can do will change that.”
She just looked at me. I wanted to run, run as fast I could and get away before she could say anything, but part of me made me stay.
“Daniel, why didn’t you say anything before now?”
“Because I know that you will never feel the same about me.”
I could feel the tears escaping my grip as they fell down my cheeks.
“Daniel, that is not true, actually.” She let out a deep, long breath. “That is far from the truth. Daniel, I fell in love with you a long time ago but I was scared too scared to tell you. I spent all of that time hoping that you would tell me that you love me, but after a few years I gave up hope that you could ever feel the same way. Then I meant Pete, who makes me happy, but never in the way that I dreamed you would, and now I’m all confused because I do still love you too.”
“What about Pete?” I asked, forcing myself to look up at the woman I had loved for so long.
“I guess I will have to talk to him.”
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. I started dating him in my loss of hope for your love, so I don't know what's going to happen now.”
“No matter what happens, I will always love you, Samantha Carter.”