Chapter 3

The funeral and burial for Sha’re was a somber, though poignant, occasion. Daniel was dressed in beige Abydonian robes and wore sunglasses that served two purposes – to shield him from the strong sunlight and to hide the eyes worn by grief. Present at the ceremony were Jack, Sam, General Hammond, and Doctor Fraiser, all in their dress blues. They stood to his right, listening intently to his short but solemn eulogy. Kasuf was next to Daniel, his head bowed in mourning for his daughter.

Once the ceremony drew to a close, Daniel spoke to Kasuf and bade him farewell. Before they headed back to the pyramid and the gate, he exchanged glances with his friends. Although they remained silent, nothing but utmost sympathy was reflected in their gazes.

Daniel went home as soon as they returned to Earth. He had a lot of thinking to do...

My wife is out there, General. I need to go.

The search for Sha're had always been the driving force behind his presence on SG-1. Now... he wasn't sure he belonged there anymore. Yes, he'd miss the thrill of discovering new cultures and civilizations, but the hope that had once driven him forward was gone. He'd found Sha're. Sha're was dead. Stepping through the gate again would serve no purpose beyond reminding him of just how badly he'd failed her.

Two days later, Daniel sat in front of his laptop. He'd given the situation serious thought and arrived at only one solution. Hitting the appropriate key and waiting for the two pages to print, he lifted his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting to pound. He briefly turned toward the window and noticed it had started to rain. Turning back to the printer as it finished, he quickly scanned the sheets spit forth with a critical eye. Dissatisfied, he crumpled them up and aimed at the wastebasket. They missed but he didn’t care. His headache was a good enough excuse for not bending down to dispose of them.

His frustration was reaching its breaking point when the doorbell suddenly rang. He sighed and clutched angrily at his hair, wondering who would be bothering him on this incredibly dreary morning. Returning his attention to the laptop, he closed the lid, sending the computer into sleep mode before he rose from his chair and headed for the door.

Looking through the peephole, he was a bit surprised to see Sam on the other side. Undoing the chain, he opened the door to find her offering a tentative smile. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” Daniel replied a bit too quickly.

Sam looked at him curiously for a moment. “Um, I just came by to see how you were doing. Can I come in?”

“Oh, ah … sure,” Daniel said distractedly.

Sam cocked her head to the side as he failed to step aside. Something was obviously bothering him. “Did I come at a bad time?” she suggested.

Daniel blinked and snapped his attention back to her. “Oh, no, not at all,” he insisted quietly. He gave her an apologetic smile. “I could use the company.”

Sam smiled back. Stepping aside, he closed the door behind her before leading her into the living room.

“Wait here,” he suggested. “I'll make us some coffee.” With a gesture to make herself at home, he headed for the kitchen. It probably wasn't the best idea for him to be having coffee with the headache he had, but Sam looked like she could use it. It was rather ugly out and she probably needed it to warm up.

**************

Once Daniel disappeared, Sam smiled and moved to the couch. It hadn't been quite two days since the funeral, but she'd started to miss him. Judging from the smile he'd given her, he seemed to be in good spirits - which she was glad to see. He did seem a bit preoccupied, but perhaps he was just deep in thought over the funeral and his loss.

She frowned as she realized the gum she’d been chewing had lost its flavor. Deciding to get rid of it, she spit it out into a tissue from her pocket and headed over to the wastebasket near Daniel’s computer. She was about to toss it in the wastebasket when she noticed the two crumpled balls of paper on the floor. Bending, she picked them up to throw them away as well when something on one of them caught her eye. Straightening the sheet in her hand, she scanned it quickly and stared at it in shock, feeling a knot suddenly form in the pit of her stomach. The second sheet proved to be an earlier draft.

Hearing Daniel return from the kitchen, she turned to regard him in disbelief and held the wrinkled paper up in accusation. “Resign?” she asked bluntly.

Daniel's cheeks flushed. “You weren't supposed to see that.”

“I found it when I was throwing out my gum.”

He nodded acceptance of her explanation and, looking altogether too grim, moved to put their coffees down on the coffee table. She watched him silently, knowing from his body language the letter was more than a mere moment of insanity.

“You’re serious,” she realized.

He closed his eyes and sighed, sinking down on the couch before looking up at her again. “I didn't mean for you to find out this way.”

She shook her head in denial. “Why?” she asked obliquely, moving to stand beside him but finding she couldn't bring herself to join him on the couch. She just couldn't believe this was happening!

Daniel sighed and briefly looked down at his hands. “I found my wife. She’s gone. There’s no reason for me to keep going through the ‘gate,” he said quietly.

Sam bit her lip and forced herself to sit down beside him, taking one of his hands in hers. “I won't pretend to know what you're going through, Daniel. I can't imagine how much losing your wife must hurt, but ... are you sure you're not letting your grief make this decision for you?”

He lifted his head but didn't look at her. There was a grim determination on his face she didn't like at all.

“You still have some vacation time left,” she offered hurriedly, almost desperately. “Why don't you spend some more time thinking about--?”

“--Sam.” Daniel held up a hand to interrupt and finally turned to face her again. There was pain in his eyes as he shook his head.  "I've spent enough time thinking about it. My goal was to find Sha're and bring her home. I did. I'm done. There's no point in me staying.”

Sam felt her heart actually begin to hurt. That was the only reason he was working for the SGC? “Yes, Daniel, I know, but what about the fight against the Goa’uld? What about all the new cultures we’ve encountered and the new friends we’ve made? What about--” The words suddenly stuck in her throat and she looked away, unable to continue.

Daniel looked at her curiously. “What about what, Sam?” he asked softly.

Sam lifted her gaze to meet his concerned eyes. She had almost said, ‘What about us?’ but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Since the incident almost a year ago in which Daniel suffered flashbacks of Hathor’s visit, Sam’s relationship with him had blossomed into something beyond friendship. It wasn’t exactly romantic, but it was as if they had a deeper connection somewhere underneath it all. The fact that he was so insistent upon leaving made her wonder if these feelings were one-sided. She never felt the need to question this before.

“Nothing,” she finally replied, lowering her head. “Daniel, I know this is your decision to make. I can’t force you to do anything. But I really want you to reconsider.”

Daniel’s expression turned even more regretful and Sam knew he was only going to repeat the same words he’d said earlier. “At least think about it,” she pleaded. “Things would be too different without you. We need you there, Daniel.” She suddenly dropped her voice. “I need you.” She gave his hand a slight squeeze before letting it go.

Daniel’s gaze dropped to the wrinkled pages still lying on the coffee table beside their untouched cups of coffee. He stared at them for several moments before turning back to Sam and locking eyes with her. She wasn't sure what he saw there but hoped he could see how much the thought of his leaving was hurting her. She didn't try to hide it.

His eyes darted down to the letter again and he sighed. He turned back to her once again and nodded. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I’ll think about it.”

Sam moved to hug him, but stopped herself and in the end just laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“So... do you need any groceries or anything?” He lifted a brow in surprise and she shrugged. “I somehow doubt you've felt like shopping in the last few days...”

He offered a small reassuring smile. “Thanks, but I'm fine.”

She nodded, accepting his words at face value. “Okay, well... I guess I should go. I still have a report I need to finish.” She rolled her eyes as she moved to stand and hoped he didn't notice the slight waver in her voice. She really needed to reign in her emotions before she made a fool of herself here.

Daniel nodded silently and watched as she rose from the couch and made her way to the door. He followed at a distance and stood to one side, meeting her gaze one more time.

“So,” Sam began awkwardly.

Daniel merely stared at her for a few moments and then returned her comforting gesture, laying his hand on her shoulder. His mouth barely twitched upward into something vaguely resembling a smile. “I'll think about it,” he assured her.

Sam nodded. “Good. Well, um, I'll catch you later I guess.”

She wasn't really surprised when Daniel stepped close and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks,” he whispered as she returned his embrace with a gentle squeeze of her own. They both stepped back and regarded each other in understanding and friendship. With a nod of silent support, Sam turned and made her way back down to her car and the rain-swept afternoon that awaited her.

****************************

Jack sighed as he folded his arms and leaned back against wall of the elevator. It was a good thing the SGC commissary didn't keep to a regular schedule like most base cafeterias did. The hours he sometimes put in here made eating at regular intervals a problematic endeavor at best. He hoped they weren't serving tacos today. The last time had given him gas. Frowning, he turned his thoughts back to the conversation he'd just had with Hammond. He'd wanted to talk to him about the reporter in D.C. again but had gotten nowhere.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair and then looked down at his watch. 1600 hours? It felt like he’d been here an eternity, even though he’d come in after lunch.

Finally, he intoned inwardly as the elevator doors slid open. He stepped out and made his way down the corridor. He hadn’t gotten far when he saw Sam heading towards him. “Hey, Carter,” he greeted her. His smile faded as he caught the troubled look on her face. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

Sam swallowed and her gaze dropped to the floor. “Sir, Daniel wants to resign.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “What?” he asked quietly.

“I stopped by his apartment this morning to check up on him. He was writing a letter of resignation. I asked him to reconsider but … he told me he’d think about it.”

Her tone was quiet, but Jack could tell she was upset. “For crying out loud,” he said. “I know he’s grieving, but he can’t do this.”

Sam nodded. “Are you going to talk to him?”

“Damn right I am,” Jack replied firmly. “I’ll get this straightened out. Leave it to me.”

With a decisive nod, he continued walking down the corridor, leaving Sam to hope he could get through to the archaeologist.

**************************************

Jack knocked firmly on Daniel's door and then stepped back to lean against the corridor's wall. Folding his arms and crossing his ankles he frowned as he waited for the other man to open up. He wasn't expecting Daniel to be happy to see him. He'd quickly figure out exactly why Jack was there, but Jack had already checked to make sure his car was still in the parking lot so pretending not to be home wouldn't work.

"Open up, Daniel," he called lazily after a long minute when he was sure the other man had identified him through the peephole. "I'm not going anywhere until you do." Daniel could be stubborn, but Jack's picture was in the dictionary beside the word.

Jack didn’t know how long he waited outside Daniel’s apartment before the door finally opened.

"Jack..." Daniel greeted the man with a frown and cocked a questioning eyebrow at him.

Jack straightened up and looked at Daniel intently. “We need to talk.”

Daniel nodded wordlessly and opened the door further to allow Jack entrance. Jack brushed past him and made his way to the living room without being invited. The place was spotless; a definite warning sign. Given the emotional turmoil he suspected Daniel was going through, he'd be happier if the place was a mess. Turning to make sure the younger man had followed him, Jack waved Daniel to sit down in one of his own chairs before he himself sank onto the couch. He winced as his knee offered a definite protest. "Damn weather," he muttered. "Don't ever tear up your knees, Danny. The weather plays havoc on the joints."

Daniel folded his arms and frowned down at the floor. "Why are you here, Jack?" he asked bluntly, despite the fact that he'd probably figured it out before he opened the door.

He answered Daniel’s questioning look with one of determination. “Carter tells me that you’re thinking about resigning.”

Daniel looked grim for a split second. He nodded. “That’s right. I know what you’re going to say, Jack, and Sam already asked me to reconsider.”

“And?”

“And I’m considering it.”

Great, he’s considering reconsidering …oh, for crying out -- Jack felt a headache coming on. Daniel had played with words like this before, but the fact that he hadn’t reconsidered made Jack feel worse. He shut his eyes and sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “All right, look … First of all, even if you went through with this, you know Hammond won't accept it."

One corner of Daniel’s mouth twitched upward in disbelief. “Ah, I fail to understand why, Jack. I’m not military and it’s a free country … last I checked, anyway.”

“Okay, technically you’re right: Hammond can't stop you. That doesn't mean he won't try; any more than I or Carter or Teal'c won't try.” Jack saw a quick flash of anger in Daniel’s eyes when he mentioned the Jaffa, but simply continued, “You mean too much to the Program, Daniel. We can’t afford to lose you.”

“The Stargate Program will go on without me, Jack,” Daniel answered softly, shaking his head. “As I told Sam, Sha’re is gone. I’m done. I have no further purpose.”

“’No further purpose??” Jack shot back. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Not only are you our diplomatic front each time we step through the ‘gate and meet the locals, but you’ve helped save our butts on more than one occasion. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have thwarted a Goa’uld attack on Earth and kicked the crap out of Apophis.”

Daniel fixed him with a hard, mildly accusatory expression.

“Yeah, I know; I’m sorry I didn’t believe you at first,” Jack said ruefully. “But you convinced me to trust you; to ignore a direct order and face almost certain court-martial to stop an attack no one else thought was going to happen.”

Daniel looked at Jack thoughtfully.

“Let's face it, Daniel. If it wasn't for you, this planet would be nothing but a heap of smoldering ruins right now, and any survivors would be nothing more than Goa'uld slaves. Earth wouldn't exist today if it wasn't for you."

Daniel’s gaze dropped to his hands and he nodded, seeming to give real weight to Jack’s argument. He wasn’t entirely convinced, however. “What about all the times I’ve put you guys at risk? Remember our mission to Simarka where I insisted Sam go along with their customs? She ended up being kidnapped and sold to Turghan. She could have been raped or even killed because I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to study their culture." Some leftover shame filled his eyes upon that memory.

“In case you don’t remember, I went along with it,” Jack countered.

“What about the time we visited the Nox planet and I insisted we go after Apophis? I literally got us killed that time, Jack. Then there was the time when Hathor put me under her spell. I could have put the whole planet at risk there.”

“Daniel, that Goa’uld bewitched all of us, not just you!”

“But I felt responsible for it!” Daniel argued. Breathing a sigh in frustration at his past actions, he continued, “And don’t forget how I most recently put you guys in danger when Shyla got me addicted to the sarcophagus. I left you to toil in the mines while she wined and dined me.” That recollection made him blush faintly. He then lowered his gaze and dropped his voice. “And then when we returned to Earth, I pulled the gun on you in the storage room.”

Jack shook his head slightly. "Look, if we're going to play a game of 'you did' 'I did', I think you're going to lose. If I'd had my way, we still wouldn't be doing the culture exchange stuff and would have missed out on a ton of insight and knowledge about the Goa'uld. Hell, if it weren't for you, Carter and I would have frozen to death in Antarctica. Who else would have even considered the possibility of another gate here on Earth? No one! They'd have found our dead, frozen bodies ten thousand years from now when we showed up in the midst of an iceberg or something."

Daniel’s silence prompted him to continue, “So before you think that you have no further purpose, think of all the lives that were saved because of you; not just me, Carter, and Teal’c, but the whole damn planet! We’re not done out there. We might have knocked Apophis down a peg or two, but he’s only one of a race of snakes that want to conquer us and destroy our way of life. Who knows, maybe there’s one somewhere out there planning an attack on Earth right now. If you quit now, who's going to save our asses when he comes knocking?”

Daniel looked as if he was about to protest, as if Jack’s vehemence surprised him. Still, Jack continued, “You’re an integral member of my team, Daniel. Without you, we wouldn’t be able to function. And don’t give me that ‘anyone can replace me’ crap, because it isn’t true. How many missions have we gone on where I stuck my foot in it and you quickly smoothed some ruffled feathers, potentially saving our lives?”

Jack’s question earned a ghost of a smile from Daniel.

“See? You know I’m right,” Jack told him.

Daniel nodded, conceding the point. “I guess I would be worrying about who would pull you out of trouble the next time you badmouth a group of indigenous people – unintentionally or not,” he said, his smile becoming more visible.

Jack briefly rolled his eyes. “Well, if you stayed, you wouldn’t have to worry, now would you?” He pointed a finger at Daniel.

Daniel sighed, sounding a bit tired. “Okay, Jack, I’ll think about it.”

Jack looked at him and decided there wasn’t much more to say. He’d done about all the convincing he could do and Daniel now had to make the decision on his own. He rose from the couch and made his way to the door, Daniel following.

“You’d damn well better not quit on us,” Jack said quietly, turning around to meet Daniel’s gaze one last time. “We need you. You still have a purpose, whether you can see it or not. You’d better think about that.”

With that, he slipped out the door and turned up his collar again, leaving his friend to wrestle with the truths he'd dropped in his wake.