Chapter 2

“So, you’re saying that, when you first encountered Dr. Jackson’s wife, she wasn’t under the Goa’uld’s control?”

“That is correct,” Teal’c replied. “Sha’re informed us that Amaunet lay dormant while she was with child. If the Goa’uld awakened, the child would not have survived.”

General Hammond nodded, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he listened to Teal’c recount the events of their ordeal. Also present at the debriefing were Jack and Sam. Daniel was in the infirmary for observation, Hammond having decided that the archaeologist’s presence was not required after all he’d been through, both physically and emotionally.

“Sha’re went into labor as Heru’ur’s Jaffa drew near,” the Jaffa continued. “Daniel Jackson hid with her inside the caves while I did my best to keep the Horus Guard away from them. Once he had delivered Sha’re’s baby, Amaunet awoke and attempted to kill Daniel Jackson. I had subdued the Jaffa that tried to enter the caves when I heard a cry. Amaunet had her hands on Daniel Jackson’s throat, and he appeared to be losing consciousness. I had to act quickly, and so I fired upon her with my staff weapon. If I had waited any longer, he would have been dead. I could not allow this to happen.”

Jack and Sam gazed at Teal’c, their eyes colored with understanding and sympathy. Hammond nodded once again. “You did the right thing, Teal’c. Doctor Jackson’s death would have been a tremendous loss to us all.”

Sam momentarily shut her eyes and shuddered slightly, not wanting to ever again entertain the possibility of Daniel dying. She was briefly reminded of the horror she experienced a year ago when they were led to believe he had died on Oannes.

Teal’c bowed his head and paused before continuing his account of what had taken place on Abydos before Jack and Sam arrived. Jack then filled in what he and Sam encountered, how they had tried to take out Heru’ur, and the details of Apophis’ arrival and quick departure.

“… So, the kid is with Kasuf now, and Ol’ Snakehead thinks that Heru’ur took him,” Jack finished.

“I assume Kasuf will be going into hiding immediately, then,” Hammond surmised.

“He’ll be lying low,” Jack confirmed. “Although, he does expect us to be at the funeral.”

Hammond furrowed his brow in confusion. “Funeral?”

“For Sha’re,” Sam said. “He told Daniel they would make the preparations for the ceremony and burial in four days.”

“But there isn’t a body to bury,” Hammond told her, still slightly confused.

“Well, I would assume that they will bury something of importance to Sha’re instead, like one of her favorite possessions.”

Jack looked at her blankly.

“Daniel once told me about Ancient Egyptian burial rituals, Sir,” Sam told him quietly.

“Ah,” Jack responded, nodding.

“It will be a symbolic ritual, one that will offer closure to both Kasuf and Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c concurred.

“You said it will take place four days from now?” Hammond asked Sam.

“Yes, Sir.”

The General paused thoughtfully. “All right. I believe it’s important to Doctor Jackson that we all attend. Until then, I’m putting you on stand down. I’m also going to suggest to Doctor Jackson that he take some time off, go home and get some rest. He undoubtedly needs it after what he’s been subjected to on this mission, and I’m sure Doctor Fraiser agrees.”

On that note, Hammond rose from his seat and made his way out of the briefing room. The remaining members of SG-1 joined him as he headed for the infirmary.

Once they arrived, they found Daniel dressed in his black t-shirt and green BDU pants, sitting on the edge of one of the beds. Sam couldn’t help but notice how lost Daniel appeared as he stared off into space.

“Daniel?” she said softly.

The archaeologist met her eyes for a split second before he appeared to zone out again.

“Doctor Jackson, how are you feeling?” General Hammond asked.

Daniel’s gaze flew to the older man’s mildly concerned expression. “With all due respect, Sir, that’s a pretty loaded question,” he said, sounding emotionless.

“I meant physically, son,” Hammond clarified, his eyes filled with sympathy.

“Tired,” Daniel answered simply.

“Despite the fact that he was being choked to death, there’s no sign of major swelling of his throat,” Janet began as she joined them. “Aside from a few contusions and bruises, he’s fine. However, he’s just been through a very traumatic experience, and he’s also exhibiting a fair amount of exhaustion.”

“I take it I have to stay in here a while longer,” Daniel muttered, misery in his voice.

Janet turned to him. “No. Since your throat isn’t swollen and your tests have all come back normal, I don’t see any reason to keep you in here. In fact, I recommend that you go home and get some rest.”

“I was just about to request that he take some time off, Doctor,” Hammond addressed her. “SG-1 isn’t due for any missions for a while, so I’ve put them on stand down. Doctor Jackson, take two weeks vacation.” He turned to Janet and she nodded in agreement.

Daniel blinked. “Two weeks? I … thank you, Sir. But, the funeral is in four days. I promised Kasuf I would be there.” He felt the lump in his throat return after the word “funeral.”

“Yes, son, and we will all be attending,” Hammond replied.

Daniel blinked once again in surprise. He turned to Doctor Fraiser.

“I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t attend the funeral, Daniel. You should be rested enough by then, and you’ll still have more time to rest afterwards,” she said gently.

Daniel looked at her thoughtfully and then nodded. “Thanks,” he said very quietly.

The petite doctor smiled faintly and patted him on the shoulder before heading for her office. General Hammond gazed at Daniel one last time before he began to make his way out of the infirmary. Jack turned to him and nodded.

The only ones now left in the room with Daniel were his teammates. Teal’c, who had been mostly hidden from sight the whole time, suddenly appeared on the other side of Jack, gazing at Daniel with a hint of concern.

Daniel suddenly focused his gaze on Teal’c. His eyes narrowed and he glared severely at the Jaffa. “You,” he said pointedly.

Jack raised his eyebrows at Daniel, thinking that the younger man was referring to him. He then turned and noticed Teal’c by his side, and realized his error.

“You shot her with a staff,” Daniel continued accusingly.

Teal’c bowed his head slightly. “Indeed I did,” he intoned.

“You could have just shot her once with a zat. Then she would have just been unconscious, and I would’ve at least had a chance to save her. You stole that chance away from me, Teal’c.”

“I did not have the time to grab my zat’nikatel, Daniel Jackson. If I had not acted in a matter of mere seconds, you would be dead,” Teal’c replied.

“I don’t believe you,” Daniel said stubbornly, looking away.

“I speak only the truth. I could not let Amaunet succeed in killing you. You are my friend. I am sorry that Sha’re is dead, but I am not sorry that I acted to save your life. Had I been faced with this choice again, I would have done the same.”

Teal’c looked down at Daniel, hoping to reach him. That hope was dashed when Daniel returned his gaze to the Jaffa and his severe glare was still present.

“I must go and perform Kel’no’reem,” Teal’c said in defeat. Jack glanced at him and patted him on the shoulder before Teal’c made his way out of the infirmary. Once he was gone, the Colonel stepped a bit closer to Daniel.

“Teal’c did the right thing, Daniel,” he said.

“Sure, whatever, Jack,” the younger man sighed in defeat, turning away from his friend.

“Hey,” Jack spoke up, attempting to get Daniel to turn around and listen. “You know he had no other choice.”

“I could have gotten through to her,” Daniel muttered.

“How??” Jack said incredulously. “She was trying to kill you, for cryin’ out loud!”

“Sha’re was not trying to kill me,” Daniel returned, his voice becoming slightly uneven.

“Yeah, I know, Sha’re wasn’t trying to kill you … but the snake in her head was a different story,” Jack shot back. “How would you have gotten through to her if you were being strangled to death?”

Realizing that he didn’t have anything to support his argument, and that it didn’t make sense in the first place, Daniel lowered his head and sighed. He knew deep down that Jack was right. Still, he believed that Teal’c could have just taken out Sha’re with one zat blast. At least she would still be alive. They would have to cage her once Amaunet woke up, but then they could take her to Cimmeria where a new Thor’s Hammer sat waiting. Then, she and Daniel could be together again at long last.

Daniel sighed again, realizing that these things were no longer possible. Sha’re was dead, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. He lifted his head and brushed a stubborn lock of hair from his eyes. His gaze returned to Jack and he noticed the exasperation had left the older man’s eyes; it had been replaced with quiet concern.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Jack,” Daniel said softly. “But I just want to be left alone right now. I need to get some things ready before I head home.”

Jack looked at him for moment and then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”  He reached out and patted Daniel’s shoulder, then slowly made his way out of the infirmary, stopping to look at the archaeologist once more before heading out the door.

Daniel turned and watched Jack leave before dropping his gaze to his hands.

Daniel looked up at her for a moment and then barely shook his head. “No,” he said softly.

Sam was slightly confused at first by his reply, but was comforted by the fact that he didn’t seem to want her to leave. She walked up to him and then leaned up against the corner of the bed so that she was next to him.

Turning, Daniel picked up his olive drab BDU jacket and removed something from one of the pockets. He held up a ballpoint pen with a barrel that appeared as if it had once been black, but was now weathered to a dark gray. “You know what this is?” he asked Sam.

Sam blinked as she looked at the object Daniel held up in front of her. “A pen,” she returned.

“That year I was on Abydos, I did a lot of writing in my journal. Much of it was done with this pen,” Daniel continued, a wistful tone to his voice.

Sam glanced at him and nodded.

“Sha’re caught me writing with it one evening. She asked me what it was, what it was used for. She had never seen anything like it before, and it intrigued her. She thought it was magic.” A small, fond smile appeared on his lips. It quickly faded and he bit his lip to retain his composure. “The simplest, most mundane things were like magic to her, even my glasses.” He removed his glasses and held them in front of her. “She asked me why I needed them, and I explained that I needed them to see, to aid me in my learning about her culture and people … and to see her beautiful face.”

Sam gazed at Daniel sadly as his voice broke and his eyes stung with unshed tears. She softly laid her hand on his shoulder and he flinched ever so slightly, not expecting the touch. He directed his attention back to the glasses and continued, “She thought she would have a little fun with these, and she’d end up stealing them from me whenever I wasn’t wearing them. She’d giggle at me as I blindly pursued her, begging her to give them back. I’d tell her that I needed them to look upon her face and kiss her, to remind her how much I loved her …”

Daniel lost his composure once again and lowered his head as the tears streamed down his cheeks. Sam bit her lip in order to keep from crying herself, knowing the truth depth of her dear friend’s pain and feeling nothing but utmost sympathy for him. She edged closer to him and touched his shoulder again. “Daniel, it’s okay to grieve for her,” she said in an uneven voice. “You loved her. It’s important that we grieve for those we love.” She bit her lip again, reminded of the fact that her father had just revealed that he had cancer. She wasn’t about to tell Daniel, though. The last thing she wanted to do was to burden him more.

She pulled back slightly and gazed into his eyes. “And anytime you need a shoulder to cry on, I promise I’ll be here. You are my best friend, and I want you to know that you can always come to me and talk about anything. I’ll be here for you, and I’ll help get you through this, okay?”

Daniel met her gaze and found deep sincerity and the love only a best friend could offer. He and Sam had a beautiful friendship and, even though his grief seemed to be overshadowing almost everything now, he knew he could count on her. “Thank you,” he said, his nearly emotionless tone belying his appreciativeness. He then hopped off the bed and took a few steps toward the infirmary doors. “I guess I’ll get a few things together and prepare to go home.”

Sam watched as he neared the door. “Daniel?” she called out.

He turned and looked at her curiously.

“I hope you’ll be okay. If you need anything, just call, okay?”

Daniel tried to manage a slight smile, but it didn’t quite make it onto his face. “I will, Sam.” He then turned and disappeared out the door.

Sam gazed at the now empty doorway. Her mind was weighed down with sorrow and empathy for Daniel, and she wished she could do more to comfort him. In the end, she realized it was best to let him have time to himself to grieve for Sha’re and sort through his emotions.

“Okay,” she said in barely a whisper, even though Daniel was long gone from sight.

***********************************

Two days later, Sam found herself in front of Daniel’s apartment door with a bag of chocolate walnut cookies, his favorite. She hadn’t seen Daniel since he left the infirmary, and she wondered how he was doing. She really hoped that he was okay. Hopefully the company and the cookies would help cheer him up.

She waited several minutes and then knocked again. There was no answer. Sam shoved her left hand into the pocket of her light jacket and shivered slightly. It was a pretty chilly day for late May in Colorado Springs. She checked her watch and realized it was close to 9 AM. She began to wonder if Daniel was still asleep; perhaps she should come back later.

She was about to turn around when the door slowly opened to reveal Daniel, dressed in a cream-colored sweater that Sam had never seen before and a pair of khakis. Daniel’s eyes instantly met hers. “Sam,” he said quietly.

Blushing faintly, Sam lowered her head. “I …” she began awkwardly. She looked back up at him and continued, “I brought you some of these cookies that you love so much.”

Daniel’s eyes drifted down to the bag in her hand, which she offered to him. “Thank you,” he said, accepting it from her with a faint, shy smile.

Sam returned the smile for a moment and then nervously cleared her throat. “Uh … can I come in?”

Gazing at her, Daniel found concern in her deep blue-gray eyes. “Sure,” he nodded.

Sam smiled as Daniel stepped aside to allow her entrance. As she entered the apartment, she frowned. Most of the shades had been drawn, leaving the place quite dark and a bit chilly.

Daniel caught her look and blushed faintly. “Oh, I suppose I should get some light in here, huh?” He drew up the shades on his windows, and then made his way to the balcony doors where he drew the curtains back. The added light succeeded in making the place look more hospitable.

“Better?” he asked Sam.

A little smile appeared on her lips and she nodded. Daniel sat on his recliner and Sam made herself comfortable on the couch. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, she looked down at her hands and cleared her throat. “Um … so,” she began.

Daniel looked at her expectantly.

“How are you doing?” she asked, almost worried about what the answer would be.

Daniel gave a small shrug. “I’m fine,” he said rather nonchalantly.

Sam regarded him dubiously. Granted, it was Daniel’s third day of leave, and he must have grieved enough by himself, but she thought he was masking his emotions. “Are you sure?” She didn’t want to pry to the point of making him feel uncomfortable, but she didn’t think it was good for him to keep his feelings bottled up.

“Yes, Sam, I’m sure,” he insisted quietly. “This time off has done me some good. Yes, I’m still grieving for Sha’re. I still wish in my heart of hearts that this had not happened. But I also know that I have to come to terms with it. There’s nothing I can do to change those events.”

Daniel was doing a remarkable job of keeping his emotions under control, although Sam had witnessed him biting his lip slightly. She rose from the couch and made her way beside him, bending down to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

She gave him a small, sad smile in return and then awkwardly looked away. The objects covering his fireplace mantle caught her eye. “You have a lot of interesting things there,” she remarked, gesturing toward them in hope of changing the subject.

“Oh, ah … yeah,” Daniel said, directing his attention to them. Sam followed him as he he rose from the couch and slowly made his way in that direction. Before they reached the fireplace, he stopped and turned to her, a small, teasing grin on his face. “Since when have you become interested in my boring old artifacts, Sam?” he asked lightly.

Sam blushed faintly, not quite expecting his comment. “Come on, Daniel. I’m not like Colonel O’Neill, zoning out or cutting you off while you explain the significance of something. And, I don’t consider them ‘rocks,’ either,” she joked, one side of her mouth lifted in a grin. “I might not share the same depth of interest in them, but they interest me nonetheless. After knowing each other for a year and a half, I thought you knew that.”

Daniel briefly ducked his head in embarrassment. When he looked back up at Sam, he found that her grin had eased into a smile. He gave her a somewhat sheepish smile in return. “Sorry,” he said quietly. With that, he continued over to the mantle, stopping to look at her once more. “Are you sure I didn’t show you these before?”

Sam gazed at the artifacts, none of which looked familiar to her. “No, I don’t think you did,” she shook her head.

Daniel proceeded to the first piece on his mantle, a clay cone with cuneiform symbols on it. It was quite similar to one of the artifacts he’d found on P3R-233 before the incident with the quantum mirror. There were slight differences in the two artifacts, however, and Daniel began to translate the writing as best as he could for Sam.

As he moved on to the other artifacts, he described each in detail, especially the history behind them. Sam listened attentively with a hint of a fond smile. Daniel’s passion wasn’t up to the level it normally was when he told her or Jack or Teal’c of such an object’s significance, but it was very close. The fact that he seemed to be in a better frame of mind pleased her.

“And this is a bowl from Ancient Egypt,” he told her, picking up a fairly large, ceramic artifact with an intricate pattern etched into the surface. “This type of bowl was used mostly in food preparation, such as grinding flour. Actually, it’s quite similar to a bowl I used on Abydos when I was grinding the yufeta flour. Sha’re and all the kids were laughing at me because husbands weren’t usually supposed to do that particular chore, and …”

Daniel trailed off and became silent, and Sam instantly knew it was because he had mentioned Sha’re. He had brought up one of his happiest memories of her, apparent from the wistful smile that had begun to appear on his face. It quickly faded and he remained silent for a few moments.

Sam laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asked.

He turned to her and nodded, forcing a tiny smile. He then shook his head slightly, as if to shrug himself out of it and quickly moved on to the last few artifacts he had to show Sam. She was a bit surprised by how quickly he recovered, and she felt like saying something to Daniel, but she decided it was best if she backed off and didn’t push him.

After he finished showing her his collection, they sat in the living room for a short while and talked. Sam briefly mentioned what happened while she and Jack were in Washington. She was careful not to talk too much about her father and the fact that he had been diagnosed with cancer, as she didn’t want to heap any more emotional burden onto Daniel, especially with the risk of breaking down in front of him.

Before long, Daniel commented that he was feeling quite tired and was thinking of taking a short nap before lunchtime. Sam wondered if her presence was bothering him, if he was withdrawing from everyone due to his grief. She did notice that he looked quite tired, though, as if he’d gone through quite a few sleepless nights. That certainly was not out of the question.

She offered to get some lunch for both of them while he napped, but he declined, thanking her. He also thanked her for the visit. After expressing hope that he would be okay and asking him to give her a call if he wanted to talk, Sam left Daniel’s apartment.

********************

Even though he hadn’t gotten much sleep since Sha’re died, Daniel did manage to take a nap – actually it was more like a siesta, as he managed to sleep through lunchtime. When he finally woke up, it was a quarter to four in the afternoon. His stomach protested loudly and, after securing his glasses on his face, he hauled himself up off his bed and headed toward the kitchen where he made himself a sandwich.

He had just put the last bit in his mouth when there was a knock at the door. He took a gulp of water to wash down the last of his sandwich and then left the kitchen.

When he opened the door, he found Jack on the other side, holding a six-pack of beer.

“Hey,” Jack greeted him.

Daniel looked at him for a moment. “Hey,” he responded quietly.

Jack looked curiously at Daniel. “New sweater?” he asked.

Daniel briefly looked down at his sweater and then back up at Jack. “No.”

Jack nodded, his gaze still on the article of clothing. "Could I borrow it?" he asked.

Daniel regarded him incredulously for a moment. "No," he repeated.

Jack gave a small, awkward shrug. “Well, I thought I’d just come by and see how you were doing.”

Daniel nodded before noticing the six-pack in Jack’s right hand.

“Oh yeah, I snagged a few brews to bring with me,” the Colonel said.

A small, playful smile tugged at Daniel’s lips. “Gee, that’s very thoughtful of you, Jack, especially considering that you’re well aware of my tolerance to alcohol,” he said facetiously.

“They’re not all for you,” Jack said somewhat defensively as he made his way inside the archaeologist’s apartment.

Daniel nodded. “Of course,” he muttered quietly, still with a hint of smile on his face as Jack walked past him into the kitchen.

Jack removed two bottles of beer and put the rest in Daniel’s refrigerator. He held one up to Daniel, who declined, shaking his head. They sat in Daniel’s living room, Jack on the recliner and Daniel on the couch.

“So,” Jack began, twisting the cap off the bottle and taking a small swig of beer. “How are you doing?”

“Oh, fine,” Daniel said casually.

Jack appeared somewhat dubious. “Are you sure?”

Daniel nodded. “Yes, I am,” he said quietly.

“Daniel, you just lost your wife. There’s no way you can be ‘fine.’”

Daniel started to grow testy. “Jack, please, I…” He cut himself off and began again in a calmer tone of voice. “I know you’re concerned, but, really, I’m fine. As I told Sam, I am still grieving for Sha’re. I loved her very much, and I wish with all my heart that this didn’t happen, but there’s no way I can change it. I have to be strong. I have to accept it and move on with my life.”

Jack looked at him thoughtfully. Masking one’s emotions was something with which Jack himself was quite familiar. If Daniel was masking his grief, he was doing a really good job of it. The younger man’s sincerity was making it hard for him to believe that he was doing such a thing, though.

“So, I guess you’re trying to keep busy?” Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. “I guess so. I brought back some of the collection of artifacts that has been cluttering up my office. I’ve been sorting through them.”

“Ah, more rocks,” Jack began with a hint of a grin.

Daniel gave him a mock deadly glare. “Don’t start on that, Jack,” he said.

“Okay, okay … sorry.” Jack held his hands up in surrender, earning a half smile from Daniel.

“I guess you’ve been pretty busy, too,” Daniel told him.

“As busy as I can be on stand down,” Jack said. “I’m slogging through my report on what happened while Carter and I were in D.C. Wouldn’t you know it, we’d sprung a leak.”

Daniel’s brows drew together, his lips pursed. “What?”

“This guy – reporter – approached me in a bar and started spouting off all this stuff about the Stargate. I denied everything of course, but he didn’t believe me.”

“How would he have known about the Stargate?”

“Someone with knowledge of the program had to have blabbed to him; probably someone like Kinsey or one of his sycophants. I told Hammond about it when I got back to the reception. I saw the guy again and he kept talking about what a great story it would make.” Jack’s expression darkened somewhat. “He didn’t get a chance, though. He was hit by a car and killed right there on the spot.”

Daniel was speechless for a few moments, leading Jack to continue, “We had to have the medal ceremony back at the base. The General told me it was an accident. I don’t think I can buy that.”

Daniel slowly shook his head and then eyed Jack seriously. “I can’t think about what would happen if the knowledge about the Stargate was made public, but I’d never want anyone to die for it.”

Jack quietly sighed and nodded. “Believe me; I hate it as much as you do. I wish it didn’t have to happen, and it probably wouldn’t have if the goon responsible had kept his mouth shut. But can you imagine what would happen if everyone found out about it? People aren’t ready to know about the Stargate Program, Daniel.”

Daniel’s gaze dropped briefly to his hands. “I know,” he said softly.

******************************

Jack and Daniel shared mostly small talk for the rest of the Colonel’s visit, succeeding in keeping both their minds off of what was troubling them the most. Daniel still would not talk much about what had happened to Sha’re, and, for the most part, he acted as if nothing was really bothering him. Jack noticed, but he didn’t want to push so he left the archaeologist be and discussed otherwise boring issues like current events and the weather.

Shortly before dinner, Jack left. He offered to get take out for the two of them, but Daniel told him he wanted to eat dinner alone this evening. Jack reluctantly obliged, making a crack that he hoped Daniel had something in his house to eat besides coffee. Daniel assured him he would be fine.

That evening, Daniel made himself a microwave TV dinner and watched a Travel Channel documentary on the mysteries of Egypt. He scowled at the TV set a few times, as the presenter had made some blatant errors regarding funerary rituals during the Pre-Dynastic period.

Once the show had ended, he switched off the television and made his way into the bedroom. He flopped down onto the bed and removed his glasses. Staring up at the ceiling, his eyes stung with tears and he began to cry silently.